Labor of Love Part Deux

a trip to joanns for the perfect hospital gown fabric was OVERLY successful.

i ended up buying gown material in 3 different flannel prints.

in my defense, that particular section of goods was 50% off and, let's be honest here, who doesn't want options while in labor? if i'm going to be subjected to hours of pain and bodily malformation, i would like to have a say in at least a few things.

so i chose materials based on the possible mood i might be in while wearing them.

if i'm feeling cheerful, excited, or just plain loud, this is the print i'll be showcasing around my soon-to-be-missing baby bump:

if i'm all sentimental and weepy, this will be the winner:

and if i'm feeling beautiful and glowy and divinely in touch with my feminine powers of birthing, this:

if i am a miserable screaming woman, i may just opt for a drab hospital issued gown that i will later rip to shreds in a rage of fury. 

there wasn't enough of the fancy shmansy material left for an entire gown unless i wanted my classy look to include half of my thigh, so i found matching solid navy and had to piece together top and bottom pieces.

i knew that having to combine two materials would take more time and put my very limited skills to the test which is why i chose to do this gown first-- i knew all of the excitement about starting the project would carry me through to the end!

i was right! it DID carry me through!! and i love the result! the collar is a bit quaker-ish and tight, but i wanted to be sure that it wasn't too loose so i wouldn't have to worry about accidental lady-part exposure during picture time. i modified this gown quite a bit from the original pattern-- aside from the top being a different material from the bottom, i made the sleeves tighter, the neckline tighter, added ribbon trim to the collar instead of a plain hem, used snaps to close the shoulder and the back, added belt loops under both sleeves, and will be using ribbon to keep the whole thing looking fitted and pretty :)

the snaps are pearl-front hammer-snaps (so SO easy! SOOOOOOO easy!). i placed the inside snap (the bottom part that you don't see) about 1-2 inches over from the hem so that when the gown is snapped shut there's a nice little panel of extra material to block any view of my backside from sneaking through holes!

and this lil' beauty is a sort of prototype of the hairpiece that will go with the dress. jp kindly ruined a lace drape that i had in the kitchen a few days ago. my sewing machine is much too rough to be trusted to sew delicate lace, so i set the material aside to give my brain a few days to come up with a possible re-purposing project.

i should mention that i bought this set of drapes for $6 at a garage sale. and they are beautiful. and huge. and because of that i am determined not to let them go to waste!

thankfully, i won't have to! there is a row of these flower/leaf embroideries on each drape, so i decided to cut one of them out and see how it would look.

i'm both impressed and pleased with myself, yes.

my plan is to glue the lacy flower to a swatch of the same printed material i used on the fancy gown, and then iron that set-up on to a piece of interfacing for a bit more stability (i just discovered interfacing on my trip to joanns. it may change my life). once that's all said and done i will attach 3-4 hairclips to various points so i can use the hair piece to pull back more than one section of my hair and keep it firmly in place, all while looking uber classy.

again, the hospital gown pattern came from www.lazygirldesigns.com and was totally free! you print it out at home on plain old 8.5x11 computer paper and then tape it together. and you can give a donation for use of the pattern which i think is great :)

Labor of Love

jp's birth story is both one of the greatest days of my life and the most horrifying. for those of you who are familiar with the statistics related to complications from induction, we experienced a number of them. thankfully not a c-section, but many other upsetting problems, including a baby who was born blue and not breathing. he was fine, mind you, just a little traumatized from the whole thing himself!

i only have one picture of me holding jp after he was born. there is one of e too. just one. neither of us held him right away. they had to get him breathing and warmed up and even when we did get to hold him, it was less than a minute, total, for both of us combined, before he was taken to the nicu.

in said picture, i look like a hot mess. i mean that. is it a beautiful picture? of course it is. i was holding my first child for the first time. i'm glowing. and swollen. and hooked up to every machine imaginable.

so this time will be different. and so far (seizure aside) it has been. i'm not showing the signs of pre-eclampsia the way i was with jp and i am VERY confident that we are going to make it to full term and i will go into labor on my own and go through all of it as naturally as possible.

i've often called this my "re-do" labor.

in the spirit of second chances, i'm making a labor outfit. a classy, comfy, fitted hospital gown and some type of hair piece that will let me keep my hair back without leaving me looking frizzy and frumpy. possibly some cute socks. i may even attempt a bit of make up.

i know what you're saying. "you're ridiculous. you're feeding into vanity. it's labor, you should look disheveled and worn out. why do yo even care? that's really shallow."

but this is for me. i have every intention of holding my baby the second he comes out this time and for hundreds and thousands of pictures to be snapped. and when i look at those pictures, i want everything about them to be a joyful reminder. my hair may still get quite tousled. i may be swollen and sweaty. but at least there will be hints of dignity and the pictures will be that much more personal when i think of the work i put into planning for this baby's arrival.

and when he sees the pictures and asks about his birth story, i can tell him that i was so excited about meeting him that i spent weeks preparing to make it special and memorable. that i was thinking about him and creating for him even before he came.

you were wanted little man. you were nurtured before you came out, your body and your soul.

away from the sappy! a great website called lazy girl designs has a free pattern for a hospital gown. you can donate any amount for use of the pattern if you so choose :) all you do is print it on to plain ole computer paper and tape it together. it's insanely easy. INSANELY.

after finding some other bloggers who had made the gown and taking in their alterations, i decided to do a practice run.

my modifications to the original pattern would be: taking it in about 6 inches and lowering the hem a solid 6 inches (i suffer from chronic string bean syndrome, even in pregnancy), adding belt loops to make an empire waist line (i'll lace a wide ribbon through the loops so it will be more fitted) and using snaps instead of velcro on the left sleeve.

i took the drapes that we once used in jp's room and began cutting away!

i took it nice and slow--mostly out of necessity! we have an 18 month old for heaven's sake!-- and 3 days later i had this:

this definitely boosts my confidence-- i can totally make a great designer hospital gown all by myself!

no designer would neglect accessories ;) here's my makeshift safari headband

and my silly jungle scarf :)

this is obviously not the final product! i need to go find my fabric (s) and see what speaks to me, and i'll accessorize from there. but i'm pretty excited about having a "look" during labor :)

I Wanna Be A Billionaire, So Frickin Bad

and i'm going to be.

i told e that i was going to win the lottery this week because that's the only logical way to offset what a horrible past week we all had.

so far i think i'm off to the right start.

i've stashed away a small amount of cash (really small... like $25 small) from things i've sold on craigslist and change from e's pockets and today i decided i really wanted to hit up a thrift store to see if i could find some good prints to use to turn into other things.

let's face it, most of the things at really cheap thrift stores cannot be salvaged in their current forms.

it turned out that goodwill was open until 6! SWEET! win #1.

so i drove out. the prices were a bit disappointing-- $2 for all tanks, $4.50 for all pants. i know that's still cheap, but it's not nearly as cheap as i've seen in other places. and all baby clothes were $2. that's way too much for me.

however, the shoes were right up my alley. $4 for a pair of deep red snakeskin pumps from cato? yes please. bright green pointy-toe heels? i'll take those too. win #2 and #3.

but by far my greatest find was a pair of shoes for jp:

classic reeboks. in awesome condition. for $3. they're a size 9 so they'll fit him sometime 6 months from now or later. win #4.

and then the night got BETTER. 

"blaspheme" you say. "it could not improve past $3 classic reeboks in child's size 9".

oh my good friend, how wrong you are.

i've been jonesing for a good coffee cupcake. don't ask me how i can crave something i've never had. apparently it's possible. i googled recipes and found one here that i liked, but i felt like there wasn't enough coffee. so i modified it and made what i am dubbing "double coffee cupcakes".

double coffee cupcakes

1 cup all purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
pinch of cinnamon

pinch of salt1 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter or margarine
4 eggs

1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 tablespoons instant coffee dissolved in 3 tablespoons hot brewed coffee (my brother in law is a barista. win #4.5)

sift together flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. 
beat butter and sugar until smooth 

add eggs, vegetable oil and vanilla extract and continue to stir until creamy
add dry ingredients, stir until just mixed
add coffee
bake at 350 until golden brown, about 15 minutes or so

top with italian creme frosting

WAIT!!! italian creme frosting!?! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!? I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BUY THAT OR HOW TO MAKE IT!!!! WHY WOULD YOU TEMPT ME SO!?!!!???!

oh, rest easy loved one. i shall save you.

italian creme frosting

1 stick butter, softened
2 tbsp italian creme powdered coffee creamer
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
1 c powdered sugar

In a large bowl, beat the butter, creamer and extract until smooth. 

slowly beat in powdered sugar.

if you want your frosting a bit thinner, add a tiny bit of water until it's the consistency you want.

store in the refrigerator for up to 3 months (that's a joke. you'll never make it 3 months. it'll be gone by tomorrow morning)

win #5. 

So, What Happened Was...

i have developed hypoglycemia, either in this pregnancy, or at some other time, and i just never knew.

my blood sugar was dangerously low tuesday night, and then we ate dinner and the sudden rise caused my body to go into a sort of shock, causing a seizure. it's not at all unheard of with hypoglycemia.

the problem is that we didn't find out about it until 2 days after it happened. in a routine glucose test usually done around the 26 week mark for pregnant women. my blood sugar at the time of the test was 42. that would cause a great many people to lose consciousness.

because our insurance company waited until the very last moment to complete our intake information every single step of the way, i was 2 weeks behind on taking my glucose test.

and because i'm pregnant, when i have complained of being light headed or dizzy, it has been immediately explained away. which is understandable, except i have also had a high heart rate and low blood pressure. hypoglycemia isn't rare. especially in pregnancy. at any time it would have been more than reasonable for a nurse or doctor to suggest that when i feel faint, i should sit down and maybe try to drink some juice and eat some cheese to see if that helps. but instead the advice was always the same: sit down and have some water, it will clear up. it's nothing to be worried about.

so tuesday evening, when i got into an after-dinner bath to relax and began to feel light headed, i did exactly as i've been told: i laid back, shut my eyes, took some deep breaths, and waited for it to pass.

but it didn't. instead i ended up in the hospital for 24 hours submitted to a battery of tests: eeg, ekg, mri, blood work, labs, 2 ultrasounds, 2 IVs, 3 blood draws and constant overnight monitoring of myself and the baby. e missed 2 days of work and i faced my first morning of not being home when jp woke up. at the end of it all, no real explanation could be given and i was given medical orders to not drive for 6 months and to not bathe, swim, or shower without adult supervision.

we called in favors that we had no right to ask for from people who owe us nothing. people we barely know. i recovered physically and my mind began to absorb the reality that i had no idea if this could happen again. i didn't know how to prevent it. i didn't know what caused it. i wasn't even sure i knew what it was.

and then a simple, routine test gave us the answers to everything. a test that came 3 days too late because a company allows itself to get so overwhelmed that it pushes its clients to the limits. because nurses and doctors fall into a mechanical pattern and stop really paying attention to the people instead of their charts.

i would gladly take some responsibility in all of this if i knew how i could. i'm not a trained medical professional. blood sugar levels weren't a part of my arsenal of life knowledge. i could google my symptoms, but heaven knows where that would lead me.

i listed my symptoms at least a half a dozen times. i tried to be adamant in explaining that 20 minutes of standing on my feet didn't seem like a reasonable amount of time to make me that light headed, that this didn't happen to me in my last pregnancy. i asked the insurance company to please try to rush my assignment to a doctor because i needed a referral to an OB so i could get back on track. when i got my assignment, i asked the doctor giving the referral to please hurry it along because i was getting behind on labs and appointments.

nobody listened. they've all heard it 100 times before. "i need to see a doctor now because of ____", "but MY case is truly important". i never claimed to be important. i just wanted to be seen on the timeline that every tricare beneficiary is supposed to be seen on.

and had i been seen on said timeline, we could have avoided the emotional and physical pain and the fear that we were subjected to as a family for 60 petrifying hours.

make no mistake, i am grateful for medical care. i'm grateful for insurance, for not having to pay out of pocket for these expenses. i am not grateful to have had a seizure because someone couldn't have pushed paperwork through a day or two faster. 27 days of red tape for a person to see a doctor is ridiculous. it's one thing to wait 4 weeks for an open appointment (though that it also frustrating). but when there are slots available that you cannot have because someone hasn't scanned something or something just hasn't been mailed or faxed yet, when papers are sitting in a bin... and when those waiting papers translate into what they did for my family, and for me...

what happened was unnecessary. and insofar as i have a say, it won't ever happen again.

but i wish i could say the same for everyone dealing with this healthcare system.

Who I Am

i haven't always been the self-assured person that i appear to be now. i faced those hard years creating my own self-identity throughout my teens and into my early 20s with very little grace or direction. i'm still trying to figure myself out, as most people are.

this week we had quite a scare. i won't go into details, but something happened to my body that required an overnight hospital stay along with a battery of neurological tests. thankfully, the scariest possibilities (stroke, tumor, or epilepsy) were ruled out and the baby in my belly was entirely unaffected. we even got a wicked 3d ultrasound picture of him:

pretty cute lil dude, don't you think?

anyhow, as i waited 24 hours for results, i had plenty of time for fears and concerns to mount. and mount they did.

the fear of not knowing what happened, and conversely, the fear that came with knowing what little i did, the fear of it happening again, being alone in the hospital (e was at home with jp, where he needed to be), fear that the baby was affected, fear that it could have been my fault, that i had frightened my child, that i didn't know how long i'd be in the hospital or if i could stay pregnant. i'm sure you can think of a few more on your own.

but oddly, the scariest thought in my mind was what would happen if a test came back showing a history of seizures, proving that i had epilepsy. it certainly didn't seem likely that i would have missed such an important recurring event in my life, but stranger things have happened, right?

i thought about how much that could change my life, my daily routine, the implications for my two boys and any children we might want in the future. how it could affect e, his job, his ability to deploy, the place that we live.

but the most consuming fear was medication. i don't like medication at all and tend to avoid it in favor of pain and discomfort. i think it's wise to embrace your symptoms and listen to your body, and life experience tells me that most medications treat conditions that are temporary anyway. obviously there are conditions which necessitate medicine--sometimes many medications-- and i don't judge anybody for using medication. for me it's simply a personal preference. i have no chronic health conditions and thus no need for chronic treatment.

seizure medication is designed to treat your brain, to treat it. to alter it. for the better, of course, but alteration is alteration regardless of the emotional repercussions.

what would happen to my personality? would the change be significant? would e feel like he was married to the same person? would i?

i'm only 25 and i feel like i've already fought so many battles to settle into my skin. i'm not prepared to lose ground, to accept a change that i have no control over in order to function. it's one thing to choose a drastic life change, but to have it thrust upon you in pill form...

i take a lot of comfort in the realization that changing my personality frightens me. that means i must like myself. or at least be satisfied with who i am right now.

and thankfully, i don't have to face that possibility right now. hopefully not ever.