Sounds like......

i've had my BAHA since approximately 10:15am on wednesday, february 15, 2012.

aside from being asleep, i think it has been off of my head for a total of 2 hours. that includes showering.

there are some downsides to it, some things that need to be tweaked-- music keeps causing feedback after 10-15 minutes of listening, particularly with treble heavy music (in other words, my hearing aid ALSO hates katy perry. we are a perfect fit!) and when my hair is down i hear it swishing on the hearing aid a whole bunch so i have to keep my hair pulled back, which is giving me a headache! but taking a tylenol or two for a few days is well worth being able to hear!

when i took it off wednesday night, i ended up staying awake for a little bit playing spades and trying to settle myself down.

it was the first time i've ever really, truly felt deaf.

after spending a day "hearing" the world to the left of me, i was in love. when i heard stereo for the first time that afternoon, there was no turning back. i am in complete awe.

the appropriate thing to do would be to write a post about how life changing this is, the emotional weight of the situation, etc etc.

instead, i will make fun of myself.

people keep asking me what it's like to hear. it's so kind, and they are SO excited for me! but THEY already can hear. the best way to answer that question is to tell them the things that i am hearing differently.

but....

if you aren't deaf at all..... then you've never heard like a deaf person...... even if you plug an ear with your finger, there is still some residual sound, you can hear yourself talking. not the case with deafness. it is totally dead.

so when i say things like "the song 'boys of summer' by the eagles-- there are SEAGULLS in the background of the track!!!!!'" i mostly get blank, happy stares. like they're waiting for me to continue and explain the amazing part.

like i'm supposed to say "don henley came TO MY HOUSE and sang it IN MY DRIVEWAY!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT A HEARING AID DOES!!!!"

or i could say "the microwave hinges creak a little!!"

people generally tune that kind of thing out?

ok, maybe this is better:

"the world is effing LOUD"

stating the obvious?

"I CAN HEAR MY KIDS CRYING FROM ANYWHERE IN THE HOUSE!!!!"

that...... doesn't sound appealing at all.... even to me as i'm typing it....

"i was able to turn down my radio and my tv volume by almost HALF!"

i can only imagine the response to that will be great gratitude from those people who've been subjected to my apparently roaring media equipment.

but in all seriousness, the best way i think i've come up with so far to explain this is to say that it's as though my hearing is 3 dimensional-- there are layers and waves where before there was just one steady line. after my wedding day and the birthdays of both of our boys, this takes the #4 spot without contest.

Going Live

you're going to want to view this in the "sidebar" mode, in order to see the line of pictures of the healing progress. the link to side bar mode should be just above this and slightly to the left :D

fun fact about me that i think i've thrown on here before: i'm hearing impaired! i have been completely deaf in my left ear for as long as i can remember. we found out when i was 8 and the cause is unknown, though the best theory they have is that my bones and nerves didn't grow with the rest of me. none of those things are connected. so i have a fully functional inner ear, but you could say that i don't have an extension cord long enough to reach the outlet :)

there's this awesome piece of technology called a BAHA. it stands for bone anchored hearing aid. it works by implanting a titanium screw in your skull in the bone behind your ear. that screw has a snap attachment on the end that sticks out of your head and you snap a processor onto it. that processor takes in sound and vibrates it into your skull, which in turn vibrates the sound to your other ear. sort of like a tuning fork, as it were. so you hear things on your deaf side through your hearing ear.

pretty amazing, huh!?

well, i've known about this particular device since one of my annual hearing tests in college. my insurance at the time wouldn't even cover a hearing aid (that's actually very common by the way. you can get viagra, but not hearing aids, through most insurance. apparently sex is necessary to every day living, but not hearing. priorities!). then i got married and military insurance DOES cover the hearing aid! aaaaaaah!!!!!! i was sort of deadlocked in the process at our first base because of a lack of ENTs in the area, specifically any who knew what a BAHA was or how to do the surgery.

then i got pregnant. in addition to not being able to have surgery whilst incubating, pregnancy itself can change your hearing. so i would have to start from square 0 after jp was born.

well, jp came. i started the process while we were trying for our second baby, just in case it took us some time to get pregnant. well, it didn't take much time at all! so it was back to the beginning again!

finally, at the end of november of 2011, i got my hearing test and my referral to the ENT to determine if i was a candidate.

by now i had been waiting 6 years. really, i had been waiting for 20 years, but i didn't even know i could change my life until 6 years ago.

there was a "test" piece, a metal headband with the processor attached that presses the processor into your bone to give you an idea of what kind of sound you may gain. it's a faint shadow of the sound you get with the real abutment because it has to fight through skin, tissue, muscle, nerve, etc.

but it worked. i could hear.

it was the strangest thing. i kept thinking jp was getting into things he should not while i was making breakfast or putting away laundry, because he was being so loud and so indiscreet! but he wasn't doing anything odd. it was just that i couldn't always hear the clicks, slides, bangs, footsteps and swishes of his every day play when i was in other rooms because walls muted sounds and i was carrying dead weight on one side.

i have no way to describe the difference. the best i can come up with is just "more". maybe richer. instead of a 6 string guitar, a 12 string. or instead of a quartet, a full orchestra, playing at the same volume as before, but with dozens more instruments.

and i begged them to schedule the fastest surgery date i could get. it was nearly a month later, which seemed like an eternity and a millisecond all at once. the holidays did me a giant favor in passing time and before i knew it surgery day arrived.

i did it with a local numbing and no sedation (a lot like dental surgery, but on your skull..... sooo..... maybe not like dental surgery haha!) and was out of the hospital within an hour of getting out of surgery.

it's a 6 week-3 month wait to get your processor, depending on how well/quickly you heal.

i heal like wolverine. no lie.

at my 3 week check up the ENT said that it was healing so well we could probably attach it now, but it would be best to wait and make sure the thing is REALLY solid so it doesn't get shaken loose and fall out.

i agree. once this is in, i sincerely doubt i'm going to want to go another 6 weeks without it, ever again.

i will be able to sit shot gun in a car and hear the passenger without turning my head. i can potentially go to movies with stereo and be able to catch what's going on. i can walk on whatever side of people i like. i can read books to my kids, jp on the left, calvin on the right, and i will be able to hear them both talk to me. the list goes on. i'll never be able to go back.

i can wait 3 more weeks for years of uninterrupted hearing.

so there's the picture slideshow of my healing process, from day 0 to right before i got the processor.

sorry if this somehow makes ya queasy! i actually don't think it's bad at all! i was really impressed with how well it healed up and how gross it didn't look, especially compared to some other sites i've seen.


and here's the box!!




there aren't many ways i can go about describing what this day has been like. i got the processor at 10am and i don't think my life will ever be the same. that sounds so cliche, but it's true.

my mom was kind enough to shoot a video of me listening to surround sound for the first time so that e could see it. i asked my folks which movies were good for surround sound, and their first pick was armageddon.

turns out armageddon is $10 to rent on amazon instant video!!! WHAT THE!!? ridiculous.

so we went with pick #2, top gun :D  here it is!

as an added bonus, there's a video of my parents! the BAHA processor kit comes with a little piece of plastic (i think? it may be something else) that the processor can be placed inside, and then pressed to your forehead so you can hear sound the way a BAHA user hears sound (sort of-- a BAHA implant is much clearer!). today is my dad's birthday, so i would say in general, this was a pretty cool gift :) i think he'd agree!

2.

thursday morning started off normally. playing, eating, coffee, etc. my mom came to watch the boys while i was at an appointment. an hour before i had to leave, i began vomiting suddenly and for no reason. the churning went on for a good 2 or so hours and then i was fine.

odd.

i must have eaten something strange.

friday morning i woke up and before i even got out of bed i thought "we're canceling speech therapy this morning". we rarely miss sessions and i was exhausted and felt like playing hooky. and let's be honest here, i was hoping to hear from e.

but i rallied and gave myself the "you're a mom, you have to be responsible now, his well being is more important than yours" speech and got out of bed to change him and get his food.

i smelled the poop before i even got to the door.

now, that's not uncommon, for me to smell poop before i open the door. we eat a decent amount of veggies. it leaves a potent smell.

i was not prepared for the sight i would encounter upon opening the door.

let's just say that the cream colored carpet and his foam alphabet mat had developed quite the display of polka dots. but not the cute pink kind.

it was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. my whole body just froze and my mind began to panic. "HOW ARE WE GOING TO CLEAN THIS UP?!?! THERE IS NO WE, IT'S ON YOU!!!! HOW DO YOU GET POOP OUT OF CARPET!??!! IS IT SIMILAR TO JELLY!?!?! I KNOW HOW TO GET JELLY OUT!!!! DO I EVEN HAVE SHAVING CREAM!?! WE'LL NEVER GET OUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK!!!!"

and then the best part. i remembered we had guests coming to stay the night. in about 4 hours.

i haven't showered. i didn't clean up the house last night. i have to change the sheets and bedding in the guest room. the dishes aren't done. the house is in utter disarray.

the 2 year old is covered in poop.

"HOLY CRAP LETS START WITH THE 2 YEAR OLD!!!! GENIUS! IF THE POOP PRODUCER NO LONGER HAS POOP THEN WE CAN START CLEANING!"

thank goodness jp loves baths. i un-diapered him, threw him in, and set to work on his room.

too much. too much poop. too much "what the hell do i do!?"

google.

back to cleaning.

i decided the best approach for the ABC mat was to just pick it up and put it in the bath with jp and then turn on the shower. he was delighted.

next, on to the carpet. thank heavens he stayed out of his bed, so i didn't have to do a full sheet-bedding-mattress cleaning on top of everything else.

there were casualties. his cute lil' toy story couch is sitting sadly next to our garbage can, a depressing parallel to the the third installment of the movies.

i feel like i should apologize to woody and buzz.

a few books weren't worth trying to clean.

i get shaving cream and vinegar worked into the carpet and go back to check on jp- he has created, literally, a pond next to the bathtub.

i go into the hallway and yell an obscenity at the top of my lungs.

back to the linen closet for more towels to soak up said pond.

back to cleaning.

my mom graciously came to help.

it took nearly 2 hours to deal with the aftermath. an hour later my little boy with an upset tummy took an early nap.

i put calvin in his exersaucer and sat down on the couch for a moment.

it was quite. the house was ready.

relief.

i smile at calvin, he grunts, i pick him up and lay him down near the diaper station.

i remove his diaper.

poop. all the way up the back. spilling out of the diaper.

at least this time it was contained in a onesie. and i still had 2 more loads of laundry to do to be back on top of the earlier poop situation.

when both of your children have managed to unintentionally get poop outside of their diapers before lunch time, you have not only lost the battle.... but the war.