The Hard Times.

i am sadly a part of a generation that expects everything to just be handed to them. let me clarify, i do not think that my friends (for the most part) feel that way.

but let's talk for a moment about teenagers who get new cars for their 16th birthdays, or whose parents pay for every cent of their college education and living expenses whilst they party away and change their major 12 times, or the kids who demand that their parents shell out thousands of dollars for a wedding that unites a couple who consider hangovers "the hard times".

i'm annoyed by these people. mostly because i envy them i suppose. i would love to have had life handed to me on a silver platter. my life was by no means horrific, but it hasn't exactly been peaches and ice cream and puppies and rainbows.

we didn't really hear much about my parents' early years of marriage until we were a bit older. well, we probably heard about it but kids develop hearing disorders from about age 9-19. they can't hear anything adults say unless it's "i have something for you". we also don't remember much about it.

my parents ate beans and hot dogs for a year. literally. we did too. i think mac and cheese was thrown in there. they bought a house and had a daughter. they got pregnant with me 3 years later and because of an enormous property tax increase that year, their mortgage literally doubled. my dad's company laid off every supervisor that year as well. except my dad. he stayed and over the next year while they struggled and refused to ask for help, he worked his way up the money ladder. there was no WIC, they didn't qualify for welfare (because they had too much in assets. way to encourage homeowning, gov't). they just had to do it.

when my parents talk about that time in their life, they still sound disturbed by the whole situation. it was hard times. they almost didn't make it.. but they also sound proud, because somehow they DID make it, marriage in tact, children healthy and nutritionally balanced.

i went to target yesterday to hit a 75% off sale on summer goods. i was picking out items that would match the colors i'm trying to build my home around (red in the kitchen, blue/green in the dining room, black and white in the living room, etc.). i have that luxury now, to spend $30 on items that fit my visions of home decor.

and that made me want to cry, because less than 2 years ago, that wasn't the case.

i had gotten married while my fiance was on his 18 day vacation from iraq. he left and the place i was living very suddenly became not so livable, due more to my own discomfort than anything else. i decided to just move to my husband's base, where i would have been going in 3 months anyway.

this was a bad idea. i had nothing, and i mean NOTHING. there was no microwave in the apartment and i had utensils, a few cooking instruments (think spatula, spoon, ladle, whisk, rice cooker, and hand blender), and 3 pyrex baking dishes. i had a set of miniature antique bowls, plates, and tea cups. they were neither microwavable nor big. not that it mattered, i had no microwave, so i couldn't make large servings of anything anyway because it was wasteful.

i slept on an air mattress with my computer next to my bed so i could skype with my husband. this is literally every piece of tangible anything that i owned: an air mattress, a few blankets, 2 pillows, my clothes (no hangars and no dresser), a few rubbermaids, a jewelry case (with no jewelry), my computer, utensils, a few cooking supplies, 3 pyrex dishes, and a sheer brown curtain (no rod). i think there were a few picture frames.

i made a visit to my sister's place and she saved my life. she gave me a trash can, a sheet set, a wicker chair, a computer desk, hangars, a small plastic end table, some candle holders, and the most useful gift of all-- a pot.

i got home and tried to fill our nearly 1200 sq ft apartment with our new goods. guess what? i failed. too much space, not nearly enough stuff. but it was better than before.

for the next 1.5 months i lived on macaroni and cheese, rice, and cholula. no lie. they could both be re-heated with some degree of ease in the pot and if i added canned chicken i had most of my basic nutritional needs covered. fruit came from bananas and ketchup. not together. that's just disgusting.

my husband was in the last group of men to come home from iraq, nearly 3 weeks later than everyone else. while he was stuck in kuwait he robbed a bunch of men blind playing poker. those poor dumb men bought us a brand new queen sized-pillowtop mattress and cherry sleigh bed set, a cherry dresser, a dining room table, a microwave, washer and dryer, entertainment center, 40" flat screen, a couch and love seat, and a host of other goodies (including a curtain rod for that sheer curtain, which went up in our bedroom).


H came home from iraq to a furnished home and full, functional kitchen (his father and stepmother supplied us with two of the 10 greatest gifts anyone has ever given me-- an all-clad skillet and sauce pan. incredible pieces of cookware. absolutely amazing.). he deserved it. i had spent a month and a half living meagerly. H spent 14 months that way in iraq.

18 months later, i can drive to target and shop the clearance rack for decorations and extras. that's a quick turnaround. i bought 3 dresses this summer and 6 new tops. H has new things too. oh, and we have a 7 month old baby, did i mention that?

we've spent more than 1/3 of our marriage in different states. we've seen some rough times, and i suspect we will see even more over the years. i still shudder when i think about living off of rice and mac'n'cheese, sleeping on a lonely air mattress and picking out my clothes from a stack on the floor. i still only shop the racks that are 75% or more off unless it's absolutely necessary that i look elsewhere.

but i'm already proud of us too. and i know we can get through a lot of life's trials without really bickering or freaking out. we've learned to pick our battles. we've learned a little bit about what's worth fighting for and what won't matter in 3 days.

hint: most of it won't matter in 3 days.

i wonder what percentage of my classmates from high school, or even college, will be able to say that in 10 years. i wonder who will think that hard times is driving two cars that are both more than 5 years old. i wonder who will be in debt up to their ear-balls trying to impress people who don't even matter.

and i wonder how many people will really have had hard times, who might have a slightly overgrown hair cut and a home-dye job, whose shirts won't be dry cleaned and will still have remnants of spit up and sweat, who will be driving their cars into the ground and still shopping the clearance racks.

and i wonder how many of those people will become bitter and how many will become wiser.

i hope i end up in the wiser group. and i hope we all go shopping at an outlet mall and run to the clearance racks.

and i hope i find better deals than everyone else :)