i am sooooooooooo ready to hit the road to our new house!!! our house is ready to hit the road to the new house too!!
with the house being packed, my next step has been to focus on getting as much of our security deposit back as possible (which will be all of it! i'm determined!). we cleared the yard to make room for the ground covering to grow back in, we've replaced outlet covers and blinds, e spot cleaned some of the walls yesterday, etc.
the floors have been my nemesis in this process. aside from the 3 bedrooms and the bathrooms, this house is entirely fake hardwood. and whoever resided here before either lived in cleats or broke the lease agreement and kept a dog here. there are scratches everywhere and whatever lacquer may have at one point been sloshed over the floor to make it shine and give it some dirt protection is long since gone. thus dirt very easily works its way into the grooves created by all those scratches and gets itself quite stuck in there.
it has been a constant, losing battle trying to make the floors clean.
i've been a big fan of the water-vinegar cleaning solution for years. but recently, to clean out our sinks, some other metal things and a few plastic items, i started spraying those things down with the water-vinegar and then sprinkling a little baking soda over it.
simple science fair logic: vinegar+baking soda makes fizzies. fizzies are all the rage in cleaning stuff these days. baking soda is a tad abrasive and vinegar cleans well. watering down the vinegar means my fizzies don't take over my house and i get double cleaning action.
it worked like a charm.
so on a whim today, i sprayed down the problem areas on my hardwood floor with a very generous amount of my favorite cleaning mix. then i sprinkled some baking soda over it. then i filled up a bucket with a water-vinegar mix and dipped my mop in.
immediately, and i mean immediately, the dirt scrubbed up. it was almost effortless. it left me wet clumps of gray baking soda, but the dirt was GONE. it was like magic.
i almost started swearing. i've been trying for 8 months to clean these floors and i figure it out 3 days before we leave?!!? to a house with no hardwood!?! is this a joke!?!!!?
i ended up sprinkling baking soda over the dry wood where there weren't any major spots and mopping over it with the same bucket vinegar-water throughout the house. the floors look amazing. i have to let them dry after the first mopping, sweep up the remaining baking soda, and then mop once more with plain old water to get rid of the baking soda residue (some places required 2 rounds of sweep and re-mopping).
but it worked.
the problem areas also got a rag taken to them by hand while they were still a bit wet. it helped me get the baking soda clumps out and offered just a bit more scrubbing power. total magic.
moms are always telling their kids to leave a place better than they found it.
well, mom, you'd be proud. today i did just that. these floors weren't even this clean when we moved in.
do you know what that means?
i get ice cream for being a good girl. $1k security deposit worth of ice cream, to be precise.
25 April, 2011
23 April, 2011
New Life
yesterday was earth day. tomorrow is easter. i see a theme going on here :)
there were lots of freebies yesterday--from coffee to body wash--but my favorite freebie came today. a freebie i'd been waiting for since my husband informed me of it about a week ago.
the recommendation for this lil guy (and thank heaven's there WAS a recommendation, because i have no idea how to care for a pine tree!!) was to put him in a small-ish pot for a year and then plant him in the spring or fall.
so next year, on earth day, my 2.5 year old (who, let me point out, will ACTUALLY be able to help me!! whoa!) and my hopefully-8-months-old-and-no-younger baby boy will help mommy plant peeta in the ground. perhaps we'll have a fun tree dedication! daddy, we hope, will be on hand to snap pictures.
so, in keeping with our theme, for easter we got jp his own tiny wheelbarrow and some fun outside/beach toys :) we're going to hide his eggs in the potted plants that have essentially taken over our porch until we move next friday.
oh yeah, we're moving on friday. as in, 6 days from now. HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!!!
there were lots of freebies yesterday--from coffee to body wash--but my favorite freebie came today. a freebie i'd been waiting for since my husband informed me of it about a week ago.
lowes, the home improvement store, is giving away a million trees today! all across the nation!!! FREE!!! tiny baby trees that are meant to grow specifically in your usda climate zone! WHAAAA?!?!! go to lowes!!!
jp was clearly excited. he helped me plant our aleppo pine while e took pictures. we named the tree "peeta"
what a fun lesson for him!! he threw the sapling shortly after this picture was taken... whoops??
the recommendation for this lil guy (and thank heaven's there WAS a recommendation, because i have no idea how to care for a pine tree!!) was to put him in a small-ish pot for a year and then plant him in the spring or fall.
so next year, on earth day, my 2.5 year old (who, let me point out, will ACTUALLY be able to help me!! whoa!) and my hopefully-8-months-old-and-no-younger baby boy will help mommy plant peeta in the ground. perhaps we'll have a fun tree dedication! daddy, we hope, will be on hand to snap pictures.
so, in keeping with our theme, for easter we got jp his own tiny wheelbarrow and some fun outside/beach toys :) we're going to hide his eggs in the potted plants that have essentially taken over our porch until we move next friday.
oh yeah, we're moving on friday. as in, 6 days from now. HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!!!
21 April, 2011
And the Tides Hath Turned
it all started with one little craigslist ad.
you think you know where this is going.
the bulger family has never had a real yard. the new house has not only a real yard, but a real large yard. the owners of the house have done a good job setting up a pleasant landscaping base. but this house has so much potential and i really want to make it shine.
that costs money, something we rarely seem to have lying around.
and then i'm reminded of "the community garden". people share plants with each other. spring comes around, the perennials of last year have doubled in quantity. in the interest of curb appeal, homeowners dig up plants that don't quite fit into the grand-scaping they've created over the years.
and instead of throwing away precious living things, they share them. they offer them to neighbors with sparse foliage, to the young new couple who just bought a home for the first time, to the empty nesters who suddenly have time to fill, to the avid gardener a few houses down who is always looking for a new addition. they trade roots for muffins and bulbs for a younger back to mow their lawn once or twice.
suddenly a neighborhood becomes a beautiful, harmonious collaboration between people who were once just neighbors, but are now friends.
you think you know where this is going.
the bulger family has never had a real yard. the new house has not only a real yard, but a real large yard. the owners of the house have done a good job setting up a pleasant landscaping base. but this house has so much potential and i really want to make it shine.
that costs money, something we rarely seem to have lying around.
and then i'm reminded of "the community garden". people share plants with each other. spring comes around, the perennials of last year have doubled in quantity. in the interest of curb appeal, homeowners dig up plants that don't quite fit into the grand-scaping they've created over the years.
and instead of throwing away precious living things, they share them. they offer them to neighbors with sparse foliage, to the young new couple who just bought a home for the first time, to the empty nesters who suddenly have time to fill, to the avid gardener a few houses down who is always looking for a new addition. they trade roots for muffins and bulbs for a younger back to mow their lawn once or twice.
suddenly a neighborhood becomes a beautiful, harmonious collaboration between people who were once just neighbors, but are now friends.
about 2 weeks ago i posted an ad on craigslist asking people to generously donate their overgrown perennials to my humble collection of non-food plants.
by humble, i mean non-existent.
our neighborhood has never really struck me as friendly. most of this area is rented, not owned, so i'm not even sure the current tenants have any authority to offer me clippings of their plants. there also seem to be a lot of ground coverings and flora that require next to no care, and are thus not very attractive.
i got one response. 1. from the hundreds of people on craigslist, only one person was willing to exchange homemade bread for plants.
if you know me, you know this was a mistake made by the craigslisters. i make stellar bread.
the email that was sent listed a pretty vast variety of growth. the emailer also told me about growing up in kentucky and having "friendship gardens", that she didn't understand why people thought they had to buy gardens at lowes.
it was meant to be.
i made a fresh loaf of rosemary garlic parmesan bread, braided and covered in an egg wash, cooked to a perfect golden brown.
i showed up, pots in hand, extra bag of soil, ready to work.
her husband dug everything up for me. they handed me extra pots of plants. "take them! what else would you like?"
i left their home in serious debt to them. white and purple irises, wandering jew, perennial begonia, october daisies (swamp sunflowers), amaryllis, white and yellow mums, ferns, an aloe plant, shamrock plant, violets, jasmine, a grape vine, five (count them, FIVE, 5, V) maple tree saplings ranging from 2-5' tall, hydrangeas, elephant ear, some plant that we haven't yet identified (no blossoms yet, but we'll get there), seeds for hostas, tiger lilies, rose of sharon, zinnias and pepper plants. i'm sure there are a handful of other things i have forgotten.
all well established plants. i came home, repotted, pruned and watered. all of my plants have to live on our back porch right now because we're trying to give the ground covering on our rental home's lawn a chance to grow back in.
this was my view the next morning
there are more plants in the greenhouse as well, mind you.
after all of the stress and worry the last few days have brought us, this gracious gift from total strangers caused an abrupt shift in the emotional climate of my life.
and do you know what happened the next morning?
e's orders came in. the very thing we've been waiting on that would make the majority of the stress disappear. something we'd been told might not come before the move. something that we desperately needed.
and jp started walking in his cast. and giggling at himself with excitement.
sometimes the current is too strong for you to change direction on your own. sometimes it takes intervention when you don't have the strength to right your own path.
thank you jon and sharon for being my intervention this weekend. and for the reminder i will have when i look out at my beautiful friendship garden in all the years to come.
18 April, 2011
Confinement
i over-think nearly everything. attribute it to a minor in english if you want to, but the reality is that it's just a part of who i am. i spend most of my days with internal conversations playing through my head. i talk to myself constantly. i'm kind of all over the place and i think a lot of that is because i can never really seem to focus my mind for longer than a few minutes or hours.
these last few days have taken my usual routine of inner rambling and decimated it. so much has spun out of control so very quickly and major plans had enormous wrenches thrown into them. had my good friend lydia not been here, i honestly think i may have ended up either laying in a heap in my bathroom or in the hospital with dehydration and chest pains from constant sobbing and no self care. timing can work in your favor and against you all at once it seems.
this morning briefly snapped me back into my inner dialogue and those thoughts have sort of immaturely, and intermittently, formed in my mind to create this blog post.
at 8 am sharp (i'm not kidding, it was 8:00am) the orthopedic office called me. "we received the ER report on your son and were wondering if you could bring him in today" "sure, what time?" "how soon can you be here?"
lydia was and her crew were packed up to go back home and fortunately for us leaving very shortly after i got off the phone. so they dropped us off at the hospital before 9am.
funny side note, because i had no car of my own and she dropped me off and left for louisiana, i was forced to haul a splinted child, a car seat, a diaper bag with 2 hours worth of entertainment+ food and my pregnant stomach into the hospital. i asked for a wheelchair, and this is what i got (forgive the poor quality, the picture was taken on my phone)
x rays were immediately (no joke, within 5 minutes of entering the hospital we were wheeling our way to radiology) redone and we were also immediately taken back to see the doctor. his fracture was confirmed and the treatment would be 3-5 weeks in a hard cast that covered his entire right leg, toes to upper thigh.
i knew that this would be the solution if the fracture was confirmed and honestly, i wanted it to be the solution if it was a fracture. his splint had already slid down his foot so much that his toes ended up in the heel section. that wasn't doing anybody any good.
but sitting on that table, holding him, and taking in the facts: no true baths (one of his favorite things in the world), no more beach trips in our short 2 weeks left here, severely impaired mobility when we'll be moving to a new house that he'll want to explore, no swimming in the blistering heat, the limitations a cast brings with it, how much he cannot possibly understand what's happening, the fact that e isn't with us right now and i'm doing this alone.... it was overwhelming.
i remembered to ask the doctor about pain management--we've been having a hard time with it since the fracture happened. our only medicinal options are tylenol, motrin, or tylenol with codeine. i am not giving my 16 month old son codeine. i would rather hold him every second of every day and comfort him that way than give him narcotics.
but the doctor did say we might notice an improvement in his comfort level with the cast.
alright, let's see how it goes.
he couldn't have been more right. jp stood up in that cast today and tried to dance. granted, he fell down, but he felt ok enough to try. once he understood the difference of weight in that leg, he was slinging it all around him and crawling and climbing (yes, climbing!) again. he likes to rub things up and down the cast because of the cool grinding noise it makes and he figured out that banging things on it makes a fun drumming sound.
he also kicked e in the groin with it. whoops? i got hit in the face also, if that makes anyone feel better about the whole thing.
and this is where my over-analytical brain kicked in.
the only thing that could truly fix my child's pain was total confinement of the injured portion of his body. it needed perfect, constant, and uniform stability. it had to be wrapped, squeezed, and held in place until the shell around it became hard and impenetrable. it didn't feel good while it was unwrapped, or during the wrapping process. but the closer the cast came to being fully hardened, the better he started to feel. and once the process was over, he was more free than he had been before the confinement.
and that is more or less what's happening to us in our lives right now. we are being forced into a position that isn't allowing us much, if any, wiggle room. the circumstances closing in around us are hard and there doesn't seem to be a way out. but i am a believer that all things happen for a reason. something in our lives isn't as good as it can be. we haven't been stretched or pushed to our limits in some area and that's what it happening to us right now.
at this moment, we are just like jp when he was in the splint. we have some of what we need, but not enough. and we're so overcome by the pain and confusion that we're spending most of our time screaming and performing our usual activities, waiting for it to all click back into place.
and it probably won't do that.
we need to go through this period of total confinement, this squeezing, wrenching, hardening process and we'll end up relearning our lives, the same way jp will relearn how to walk when this is over.
and just like a healed bone, we'll be stronger in the end.
but i still i wish i could have learned this lesson in some other way that didn't involve my precious son being thrown into a cast.
these last few days have taken my usual routine of inner rambling and decimated it. so much has spun out of control so very quickly and major plans had enormous wrenches thrown into them. had my good friend lydia not been here, i honestly think i may have ended up either laying in a heap in my bathroom or in the hospital with dehydration and chest pains from constant sobbing and no self care. timing can work in your favor and against you all at once it seems.
this morning briefly snapped me back into my inner dialogue and those thoughts have sort of immaturely, and intermittently, formed in my mind to create this blog post.
at 8 am sharp (i'm not kidding, it was 8:00am) the orthopedic office called me. "we received the ER report on your son and were wondering if you could bring him in today" "sure, what time?" "how soon can you be here?"
lydia was and her crew were packed up to go back home and fortunately for us leaving very shortly after i got off the phone. so they dropped us off at the hospital before 9am.
funny side note, because i had no car of my own and she dropped me off and left for louisiana, i was forced to haul a splinted child, a car seat, a diaper bag with 2 hours worth of entertainment+ food and my pregnant stomach into the hospital. i asked for a wheelchair, and this is what i got (forgive the poor quality, the picture was taken on my phone)
x rays were immediately (no joke, within 5 minutes of entering the hospital we were wheeling our way to radiology) redone and we were also immediately taken back to see the doctor. his fracture was confirmed and the treatment would be 3-5 weeks in a hard cast that covered his entire right leg, toes to upper thigh.
i knew that this would be the solution if the fracture was confirmed and honestly, i wanted it to be the solution if it was a fracture. his splint had already slid down his foot so much that his toes ended up in the heel section. that wasn't doing anybody any good.
but sitting on that table, holding him, and taking in the facts: no true baths (one of his favorite things in the world), no more beach trips in our short 2 weeks left here, severely impaired mobility when we'll be moving to a new house that he'll want to explore, no swimming in the blistering heat, the limitations a cast brings with it, how much he cannot possibly understand what's happening, the fact that e isn't with us right now and i'm doing this alone.... it was overwhelming.
i remembered to ask the doctor about pain management--we've been having a hard time with it since the fracture happened. our only medicinal options are tylenol, motrin, or tylenol with codeine. i am not giving my 16 month old son codeine. i would rather hold him every second of every day and comfort him that way than give him narcotics.
but the doctor did say we might notice an improvement in his comfort level with the cast.
alright, let's see how it goes.
he couldn't have been more right. jp stood up in that cast today and tried to dance. granted, he fell down, but he felt ok enough to try. once he understood the difference of weight in that leg, he was slinging it all around him and crawling and climbing (yes, climbing!) again. he likes to rub things up and down the cast because of the cool grinding noise it makes and he figured out that banging things on it makes a fun drumming sound.
he also kicked e in the groin with it. whoops? i got hit in the face also, if that makes anyone feel better about the whole thing.
and this is where my over-analytical brain kicked in.
the only thing that could truly fix my child's pain was total confinement of the injured portion of his body. it needed perfect, constant, and uniform stability. it had to be wrapped, squeezed, and held in place until the shell around it became hard and impenetrable. it didn't feel good while it was unwrapped, or during the wrapping process. but the closer the cast came to being fully hardened, the better he started to feel. and once the process was over, he was more free than he had been before the confinement.
and that is more or less what's happening to us in our lives right now. we are being forced into a position that isn't allowing us much, if any, wiggle room. the circumstances closing in around us are hard and there doesn't seem to be a way out. but i am a believer that all things happen for a reason. something in our lives isn't as good as it can be. we haven't been stretched or pushed to our limits in some area and that's what it happening to us right now.
at this moment, we are just like jp when he was in the splint. we have some of what we need, but not enough. and we're so overcome by the pain and confusion that we're spending most of our time screaming and performing our usual activities, waiting for it to all click back into place.
and it probably won't do that.
we need to go through this period of total confinement, this squeezing, wrenching, hardening process and we'll end up relearning our lives, the same way jp will relearn how to walk when this is over.
and just like a healed bone, we'll be stronger in the end.
but i still i wish i could have learned this lesson in some other way that didn't involve my precious son being thrown into a cast.
17 April, 2011
The Return of Murphy's Law
let me preface this by saying that i do not actually believe that murphy's law rules my life. amazing things have happened this weekend. an innumerable amount of them, in fact.
my friend came to town with her daughter (my god daughter!) who is the same age as jp.
she also brought a friend with her who turned out to be an incredible, interesting, easy going, and kind person.
my god daughter won a prize at gymnastics.
i had my first real girl's night out since.... ummm... well, let's just say it's been over a year.
we had a great day at the beach on sunday
we held a moderately successful garage sale over the weekend that resulted in more space being cleared up in the house.
i made yummy beer bread.
the list goes on and on.
but this also happened at gymnastics:
my friend came to town with her daughter (my god daughter!) who is the same age as jp.
she also brought a friend with her who turned out to be an incredible, interesting, easy going, and kind person.
my god daughter won a prize at gymnastics.
i had my first real girl's night out since.... ummm... well, let's just say it's been over a year.
we had a great day at the beach on sunday
we held a moderately successful garage sale over the weekend that resulted in more space being cleared up in the house.
i made yummy beer bread.
the list goes on and on.
but this also happened at gymnastics:
this is one of those times that i am grateful that i'm not cool enough to have a wildly successful and well known blog, because i am in no mood to listen to the cynics and judges telling me that these are the consequences of irresponsible parenting and that gymnastics aren't safe.
it happened on a trampoline, i'm fairly positive it's my fault, and he has a buckle fracture beneath his knee. of all of the injuries he could receive at such an exploratory age, we're lucky it was this one-- assuming that the ER x-ray read was correct, this type of fracture heals in 3-4 weeks in a splint or cast. that's not horrible.
what IS horrible is that the same evening of this incidence, cam, my god daughter, vomited EVERYWHERE in the crib and room she was staying in. i mean EVERYWHERE. and it was vile. one child is broken outside, the other is broken inside.
it was a messy evening.
jp is also teething, which certainly isn't helping! he's having a very rough time sleeping and my mind became momentarily overwhelmed with the thought of having an immobilized 16 month old (i know that sounds like a good thing, but it in fact is not when said child is a very determined mover!) while trying to pack a house and embark on a move in 2 weeks. when you add orthopedic appointments to an already overloaded schedule, it certainly feels like your world is beginning to cave in around you.
listening to your poor boy screaming and crying for hours and hours on end also seems to have that effect.
but we decided to put on a brave face and take the rest of the weekend head on. i'm glad we did.
i think jp was pretty happy about it too. :)
murphy, you may continue your attempts to ruin our weekends and our lives, but you will not succeed. with a name like murphy, my guess is that you're a drunk. and that means that eventually, you'll get lazy and drop your guard.
and i will maul your face.
13 April, 2011
Gender Roles?
this will be rant-y. my apologies in advance if it sort of jumps around and seems discombobulated.
j crew's most recent catalog apparently features a mother (someone prominent at the magazine as the reports say) with her son (truly is her son), who is 5, painting his toenails neon pink.
fox news picked the story up with outrage, claiming that j crew was promoting transgendered youth and a liberal agenda. they suggested the parents begin putting away money for the child's therapy.
this infuriates me. first of all, because this is hat is wrong with our media and our government. the most "influential" news teams and politicians have become so engrossed in platforms that they jump on extremely inconsequential things like j crew ads in order to make a point or in an attempt to nullify the opposition. this is pitiful.
fox "news", a NEWS STATION, spent time critiquing a j crew ad. A FLYER! FOR A CLOTHING STORE!! correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't we still sending troops to afghanistan and iraq? did we not just up our forces in libya? is the story in congress simply too boring now that our troops are being paid? there is no news worth covering aside from a j crew advertisement?
right now, my 16 month old son's toes are painted bright red. not because i'm hoping he'll eventually grow up to be confused about his gender and not because i feel it's worth the risk because have a fund set aside for his therapy.
because we were learning about colors.
he came into my bathroom while i was painting my own toenails, a luxury i have developed a love for in the past few months because i'm in a house full of testosterone and it's nice to be able to remind myself that i'm still the pretty mommy with fun girly toes.
he was curious. he watched me paint. to him this is no different than the large brushes i use on canvases or the finger paints that he often paints on himself with.
how would a 5 year old know that paint can go in a female or male space? that's all nail polish is. it's paint. and you paint it on a specific place. a 5 year cannot apply a masculine or feminine designation to paint application. so how could he be confused about his gender role unless you specifically told him "this is only for girls"? and if you do that, how will you differentiate to him that other paints are fair for male use?
in fact, you could legitimately teach him that he could paint murals with nail polish and it would still be acceptable. but his fingers and toes are off limits?
so fingernails and toenails belong to women only? wait, then why do boys have them?
and when he sees photos of tribal cultures, will this child tell his classmates that everyone in that culture must be female because they all have colorful adornments painted on them?
are Native American warriors sissies because they paint themselves in preparation for battle?
i could go on about this forever.
but let's get back to my son, because that's one subject i can speak on as an expert.
after jp watched me do the first coat of my toe nails, i decided this could be a useful tool. i had been telling him that mommy was painting her toes red, emphasizing toes and red. body part and color. so i took his big toe and painted it red and told him "now you have a red toe, just like mommy". he wiggled his toes around and then held out his foot for me to do the rest.
who am i to kill this learning experience? for a few minutes i have his FULL attention. he is totally captivated by what is happening and i can embed the notion of red and toes into his brain.
guess what? it worked. over the next few days he became keenly aware of his feet. he would put his toes next to other people's toes and point to them. he would point to his own feet and stare at them. when you asked him where his red toes were, he could tell you.
because his toes became something very special that day, something worth noting. something worth remembering.
my child learned something because i wasn't afraid of an assumed gender role, because i was open to an opportunity to teach him. he also has a doll because we wanted him to learn about babies before his brother comes this summer.
and guess what? he knows to be gentle with real babies, to rub them nicely and give them kisses. he brings them bottles and pacifiers. i don't think that makes him confused about his gender. you know what i think that makes him?
less dangerous to a newborn, because he knows to act appropriately.
and let me just focus on this for a moment. fox news is a conservative, right winged network. what do conservatives preach? family values.
the j crew ad, as far as i'm concerned, showed just that. a mother spending quality time with her son. laughing with him, showing him that he is worth spending time with, that he brings her joy. communicating with him, allowing him to make choices, which teaches him independence and decision making skills. she is down on his level as an equal, playing with him.
how rare has this become in the public eye? think about a trip to the grocery store. do you more often hear a parent narrating the trip to their child, teaching them about different foods and colors and shapes? or do you more often hear angry and impatient snaps at seemingly unruly children? do we see more displays of annoyance toward children or appreciation, in public?
perhaps instead of lashing out at the possible gender confusion that a little bit of toe nail polish could cause, why don't we focus on the positive message those images send: spend time with your child. be open to making them smile and laugh. have fun together. these years are precious. enjoy them. stop thinking so hard.
and for the mother in those photos, bravo. keep up your pampering sessions with your son. maybe it will set a precedent that will help your son acclimate to wearing deodorant once he hits puberty. ;)
j crew's most recent catalog apparently features a mother (someone prominent at the magazine as the reports say) with her son (truly is her son), who is 5, painting his toenails neon pink.
fox news picked the story up with outrage, claiming that j crew was promoting transgendered youth and a liberal agenda. they suggested the parents begin putting away money for the child's therapy.
this infuriates me. first of all, because this is hat is wrong with our media and our government. the most "influential" news teams and politicians have become so engrossed in platforms that they jump on extremely inconsequential things like j crew ads in order to make a point or in an attempt to nullify the opposition. this is pitiful.
fox "news", a NEWS STATION, spent time critiquing a j crew ad. A FLYER! FOR A CLOTHING STORE!! correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't we still sending troops to afghanistan and iraq? did we not just up our forces in libya? is the story in congress simply too boring now that our troops are being paid? there is no news worth covering aside from a j crew advertisement?
right now, my 16 month old son's toes are painted bright red. not because i'm hoping he'll eventually grow up to be confused about his gender and not because i feel it's worth the risk because have a fund set aside for his therapy.
because we were learning about colors.
he came into my bathroom while i was painting my own toenails, a luxury i have developed a love for in the past few months because i'm in a house full of testosterone and it's nice to be able to remind myself that i'm still the pretty mommy with fun girly toes.
he was curious. he watched me paint. to him this is no different than the large brushes i use on canvases or the finger paints that he often paints on himself with.
how would a 5 year old know that paint can go in a female or male space? that's all nail polish is. it's paint. and you paint it on a specific place. a 5 year cannot apply a masculine or feminine designation to paint application. so how could he be confused about his gender role unless you specifically told him "this is only for girls"? and if you do that, how will you differentiate to him that other paints are fair for male use?
in fact, you could legitimately teach him that he could paint murals with nail polish and it would still be acceptable. but his fingers and toes are off limits?
so fingernails and toenails belong to women only? wait, then why do boys have them?
and when he sees photos of tribal cultures, will this child tell his classmates that everyone in that culture must be female because they all have colorful adornments painted on them?
are Native American warriors sissies because they paint themselves in preparation for battle?
i could go on about this forever.
but let's get back to my son, because that's one subject i can speak on as an expert.
after jp watched me do the first coat of my toe nails, i decided this could be a useful tool. i had been telling him that mommy was painting her toes red, emphasizing toes and red. body part and color. so i took his big toe and painted it red and told him "now you have a red toe, just like mommy". he wiggled his toes around and then held out his foot for me to do the rest.
who am i to kill this learning experience? for a few minutes i have his FULL attention. he is totally captivated by what is happening and i can embed the notion of red and toes into his brain.
guess what? it worked. over the next few days he became keenly aware of his feet. he would put his toes next to other people's toes and point to them. he would point to his own feet and stare at them. when you asked him where his red toes were, he could tell you.
because his toes became something very special that day, something worth noting. something worth remembering.
my child learned something because i wasn't afraid of an assumed gender role, because i was open to an opportunity to teach him. he also has a doll because we wanted him to learn about babies before his brother comes this summer.
and guess what? he knows to be gentle with real babies, to rub them nicely and give them kisses. he brings them bottles and pacifiers. i don't think that makes him confused about his gender. you know what i think that makes him?
less dangerous to a newborn, because he knows to act appropriately.
and let me just focus on this for a moment. fox news is a conservative, right winged network. what do conservatives preach? family values.
the j crew ad, as far as i'm concerned, showed just that. a mother spending quality time with her son. laughing with him, showing him that he is worth spending time with, that he brings her joy. communicating with him, allowing him to make choices, which teaches him independence and decision making skills. she is down on his level as an equal, playing with him.
how rare has this become in the public eye? think about a trip to the grocery store. do you more often hear a parent narrating the trip to their child, teaching them about different foods and colors and shapes? or do you more often hear angry and impatient snaps at seemingly unruly children? do we see more displays of annoyance toward children or appreciation, in public?
perhaps instead of lashing out at the possible gender confusion that a little bit of toe nail polish could cause, why don't we focus on the positive message those images send: spend time with your child. be open to making them smile and laugh. have fun together. these years are precious. enjoy them. stop thinking so hard.
and for the mother in those photos, bravo. keep up your pampering sessions with your son. maybe it will set a precedent that will help your son acclimate to wearing deodorant once he hits puberty. ;)
12 April, 2011
WHERE'S MY STUFF!?!
this sounds horrible, but trust me, it isn't. i've packed most of jp's toys. now, if you understand the volume of toys he owns, "most" is a pretty subjective term. he still has an entire bucket of toys in the living room.
but those toys are boring.
you know what's NOT boring?
packing paper.
i guess desperate times call for desperate measures!!
but those toys are boring.
you know what's NOT boring?
packing paper.
i guess desperate times call for desperate measures!!
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