Cat Lovers, Beware

by now you already know that i am brazenly offensive. but thanks to modern day labels, i can call it a disease. i have no idea WHAT disease it is, but i can definitely work my way into the description of at least one.

that one disease, however, is not hoarding.

i've been watching a hoarders marathon all day. up until this point i had only seen parts of a handful of these shows. today i have seen over a half a dozen.

there are obvious common themes. inabilities to cope, tragic beginnings to bad behaviors, denial, defeat.

and cats.

here's the thing: i hate cats and they hate me likewise. i firmly believe this is because they can sense my discomfort and they react. initially they made me ill at ease because i am mildly allergic. that uneasiness led to multiple bites which consequently led to hatred.

cats are demanding, solitary, condescending, and entirely delusional. what other 7-15 pound living thing do you know of that believes it is in control of 160 pound human beings? babies. but babies are cute, so they get a pass.

probably close to 75% of the hoarders have cats. hoarders tend to be demanding, solitary, and entirely delusional, so i think the relationship makes sense.

it's interesting to me how upset these people get when their cats are taken by animal control, or when the cat runs away once it finds an open door, or how sad people are that their cats started killing each other when there were simply too many in too cramped of an environment. a logical person would say "if you loved the cats so much, why wouldn't you clean up so you could keep your house/not have your animals taken away for neglect/not end up finding cats mummified into the floor boards/not be burying shoe boxes full of cat bones that were found on your kitchen counter?"

but, back to the delusional thing. i'm sure they don't even notice if the cats are there, until they are taken away.

but there's something even MORE interesting to me. the cats.

i understand that the hoarders themselves are mentally ill.

but the cats... LEAVE!!! it doesn't seem that difficult to me! the people whose house you're staying in wouldn't even notice if you were gone! seriously, just slip outside while they're busy catching falling items from the 8 foot tall stack of pitted olive jars. chances are they didn't adopt you from a shelter, they took you in when you kept showing up because they had an abundance of food to offer you (mostly olives) and they were lonelier than jabba the hut (seriously, do you really think he had friends at the end of the day? no way. he ate them all).

sooooo... if you are eating cat food that has insect eggs in it, being attacked by the persian cat army, sleeping in a rusted cage, and twisting your tiny kitty ankles with every step, hit the streets. you obviously already know how to scavenge.

and that leads me here: is it possible that cats have mental disorders as well? not cat in its right mind would willingly live in those situations.

and if cats CAN have mental disorders...

sweet mother of pearl, i'll take a dog please.

and a personal organizer. my piles of laundry are starting to upset me.