Gender Roles?

this will be rant-y. my apologies in advance if it sort of jumps around and seems discombobulated.

j crew's most recent catalog apparently features a mother (someone prominent at the magazine as the reports say) with her son (truly is her son), who is 5, painting his toenails neon pink.

fox news picked the story up with outrage, claiming that j crew was promoting transgendered youth and a liberal agenda. they suggested the parents begin putting away money for the child's therapy.

this infuriates me. first of all, because this is hat is wrong with our media and our government. the most "influential" news teams and politicians have become so engrossed in platforms that they jump on extremely inconsequential things like j crew ads in order to make a point or in an attempt to nullify the opposition. this is pitiful.

fox "news", a NEWS STATION, spent time critiquing a j crew ad. A FLYER! FOR A CLOTHING STORE!! correct me if i'm wrong, but aren't we still sending troops to afghanistan and iraq? did we not just up our forces in libya? is the story in congress simply too boring now that our troops are being paid? there is no news worth covering aside from a j crew advertisement?

right now, my 16 month old son's toes are painted bright red. not because i'm hoping he'll eventually grow up to be confused about his gender and not because i feel it's worth the risk because have a fund set aside for his therapy.

because we were learning about colors.

he came into my bathroom while i was painting my own toenails, a luxury i have developed a love for in the past few months because i'm in a house full of testosterone and it's nice to be able to remind myself that i'm still the pretty mommy with fun girly toes.

he was curious. he watched me paint. to him this is no different than the large brushes i use on canvases or the finger paints that he often paints on himself with.

how would a 5 year old know that paint can go in a female or male space? that's all nail polish is. it's paint. and you paint it on a specific place. a 5 year cannot apply a masculine or feminine designation to paint application. so how could he be confused about his gender role unless you specifically told him "this is only for girls"? and if you do that, how will you differentiate to him that other paints are fair for male use?

in fact, you could legitimately teach him that he could paint murals with nail polish and it would still be acceptable. but his fingers and toes are off limits?

so fingernails and toenails belong to women only? wait, then why do boys have them?

and when he sees photos of tribal cultures, will this child tell his classmates that everyone in that culture must be female because they all have colorful adornments painted on them?

are Native American warriors sissies because they paint themselves in preparation for battle?

i could go on about this forever.

but let's get back to my son, because that's one subject i can speak on as an expert.

after jp watched me do the first coat of my toe nails, i decided this could be a useful tool. i had been telling him that mommy was painting her toes red, emphasizing toes and red. body part and color. so i took his big toe and painted it red and told him "now you have a red toe, just like mommy". he wiggled his toes around and then held out his foot for me to do the rest.

who am i to kill this learning experience? for a few minutes i have his FULL attention. he is totally captivated by what is happening and i can embed the notion of red and toes into his brain.

guess what? it worked. over the next few days he became keenly aware of his feet. he would put his toes next to other people's toes and point to them. he would point to his own feet and stare at them. when you asked him where his red toes were, he could tell you.

because his toes became something very special that day, something worth noting. something worth remembering.

my child learned something because i wasn't afraid of an assumed gender role, because i was open to an opportunity to teach him. he also has a doll because we wanted him to learn about babies before his brother comes this summer.

and guess what? he knows to be gentle with real babies, to rub them nicely and give them kisses. he brings them bottles and pacifiers. i don't think that makes him confused about his gender. you know what i think that makes him?

less dangerous to a newborn, because he knows to act appropriately.

and let me just focus on this for a moment. fox news is a conservative, right winged network. what do conservatives preach? family values.

the j crew ad, as far as i'm concerned, showed just that. a mother spending quality time with her son. laughing with him, showing him that he is worth spending time with, that he brings her joy. communicating with him, allowing him to make choices, which teaches him independence and decision making skills. she is down on his level as an equal, playing with him.

how rare has this become in the public eye? think about a trip to the grocery store. do you more often hear a parent narrating the trip to their child, teaching them about different foods and colors and shapes? or do you more often hear angry and impatient snaps at seemingly unruly children? do we see more displays of annoyance toward children or appreciation, in public?

perhaps instead of lashing out at the possible gender confusion that a little bit of toe nail polish could cause, why don't we focus on the positive message those images send: spend time with your child. be open to making them smile and laugh. have fun together. these years are precious. enjoy them. stop thinking so hard.

and for the mother in those photos, bravo. keep up your pampering sessions with your son. maybe it will set a precedent that will help your son acclimate to wearing deodorant once he hits puberty. ;)