i feel that phrase adequately covers what the last few days have been like around here. i get a few things done and then i'm zonked out on the couch with the dog.
it's a good life :)
we've been slightly better about getting things accomplished this weekend (by us, i mean my husband) and i figured i should write another blog before i start taking 2 naps a day.
the second bathroom is almost done- we're waiting on a fun fishing themed border to arrive and then it's just a matter of decorating! the yard has a great base now. next year is when i think we'll really see the fruits of our labor, but everything is in place and, from what i can tell, alive. we have yet to find a paint color for our bathroom, but we have plenty of time for that and it's a very small space to have to paint. there are still boxes that we haven't unpacked, but that's ok with me. we know more or less what's in all of them and i'm in no rush.
for the first time in our marriage we have an abundance of decorations on the walls. moving every few months really takes the wind out of your sails when it comes to making a house feel like a home. but we're not moving in a few months!! we're staying put for a while! so i've gone a little picture-hanging crazy. i'm loving the effect.
we're all settling into a routine of sorts. i'm moving to bi-weekly appointments from here on out with my OB--i really think that's going to make time fly. we're also hoping to enroll the puppy into some training courses before baby calvin makes his debut which will be another great time filler! but in general, life seems to be relaxing for us, slowing down to match the pace out here in the country :) i'm a fan.
29 May, 2011
25 May, 2011
Life
as a follow up to a heavy post, here are some of the thing that make my life beautiful, in no particular order:
two of my men
fresh fruit from the trees in our backyard
boy. dog. pool. summer.
hose rain showers
homemade jam from fruit picked ripe from the branches
spread on a piece of homemade buttermilk bread, sizzled in butter
roses from our front yard
love.
23 May, 2011
Death
such a loaded word, with varying degrees of weight for so many.
this will not be an upbeat post. it will likely not end on a positive note. i'm hoping to find some relief in putting pen to paper, so to speak.
to my immediate family: do not read this. it will likely make your day horrible and your night much worse. i do not want that for you.
my weekend started off rocky for no particular reason. it's a combination of hormones, a growing inability to sleep from heartburn and general discomfort, exhaustion from what seems like a thousand sources, and various other normally benign irritants.
e was a gem for the majority of the weekend. we bought a pool to help jp's leg finish healing (his cast came off on thursday, which i meant to post about on friday, but the day was just busy and then the weekend slump hit) and to alleviate some of my discomfort from the pregnancy. cheaper than driving into town and paying for a pool pass!
after the third trip out that day, to buy a pump to blow up the outer rim of the pool, e came back and discovered that the pump he bought was actually meant for a cigarette lighter, not an electrical outlet. foolishly, and not without realizing what the consequences may be, we pulled our car around back and settled for using the pump intermittently to begin the process.
and yes, it killed the car battery, just as we suspected it would. and thus began the insane downhill descent of my day on sunday.
i was tired and irritable and we were waiting for the neighbors to come home to get a jump. we puttered around the house, i was scornful, and i tried very hard to pull myself out of the funk that i realized i was unnecessarily falling into.
in the early afternoon one of e's friends here called to see if we'd like some company that night from him and his wife. they could also jump our car when they came. perfect! we get to cleaning and i manage to remember that we have enough ingredients to make a pretty good homemade pizza (Since we can't run to the store to get burgers or anything because the car is dead) and a side salad.
i realize the hamster cage smells awful. i've fallen behind on cleaning it.
long story short, another short-sighted action on my part ended with e and i desperately trying to save two hamsters who were dying too slowly from heat stroke. one went within 10 minutes. it took the other nearly an hour. i held the second one as she went. i cried off and on all evening. those hamsters were my valentine's day gift from my husband this year, a sort of promise ring of pets, if you will. they were meant to satisfy my need for something furry until we could get a dog. and i killed them. make no mistake, i was in fact directly responsible. by no means was it deliberate, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
the only saving grace in all of this was actually yet another failure (though this one unknown) on my part. our guest's wife is highly allergic to olive oil. when they found out we were making homemade pizza, which contains olive oil, dinner was cancelled.
i didn't have to put on a brave face.
death is not easy for anyone to handle. i know a good number of people who would cry watching someone else's hamster die, or who would cry even if the small creatures weren't a precious gift from a thoughtful spouse.
but the hamsters are not the first thing i've watched die before my eyes. the first thing i watched die before my eyes was my brother. this is not an exaggeration or a twisting of truths. i don't mean that i sat in a hospital room and watched an ill boy end a long fight with a terminal illness, or that i arrived on scene to find him being carried away by a stretcher (though that did happen) and learned of his death from a cold room and a strange nurse.
to my parents and sister, if you are still reading for any reason, please stop now.
no, i was in the room with him and my parents, hooked up to wires and tubes, watching his heart beat in perfect sync with the hands pumping it through his chest, blood streaming out of his ears and nose. unresponsive. from an accident at a water park caused by a slew of arrogant, selfish people and a chain of events spanning over 20 years of irresponsibility and thousands of years of acceptance of bullying. an accident caused by the ignorance of youth that makes teenagers believe they are invincible.
so when i watch these two precious gifts from my wonderful husband shake and quiver into death, my mind is not in the kitchen where the first one passed away or on my bed where the second went to sleep on my chest. my mind is in a hospital room watching them remove tubes from my brother, hearing them call time of death.
and i am now useless. i can't sleep but i have no desire to be awake. i try to force myself into some mundane tasks to no avail.
i am going to be incapacitated for a few days, at least. and i accept that. it's healthy to allow yourself a mental breakdown every now and then.
the reason for this blog is that i really have nowhere to turn. i'm certainly not going to call my parents and stir the horrible memories for them over a set of hamsters. e is now back at work full time and by the time he gets home i know i will be too tired to relay any of this on to him. i'm not comfortable putting this story or these emotions out on a specific person. i'm too much in a funk to call people, and honestly, to answer my phone if someone calls me. i know i'll pull out of this in a few days. a year and a half of therapy gives you wonderful tools.
so i'll spill it out here. it's a non-confrontational way to express some pain without forcing anybody to feel it alongside me. you can choose to read or not. i sincerely hope you chose not. but if you made it to this line, it means you chose to read. and it means you know me just a little bit better, how i tick, one of my weaknesses.
and if you've made it this far, i just want to say to you that i hope with all of my heart that you don't have a memory worse than watching your pets die at your own hand, even if they're tiny, frail hamsters who i have been reassured die if you look at them funny (though i know better than to believe that's entirely true). i hope that if you have to watch something like what happened to me on sunday, that it has no other horrible memory to trigger.
and if you have lived a nightmare, i wish for you that you never have to see something that triggers it as deeply and painfully as wembley and fizzgig did for me. i hope you are given exponentially larger amounts of joy than the sorrow you have already been given.
this will not be an upbeat post. it will likely not end on a positive note. i'm hoping to find some relief in putting pen to paper, so to speak.
to my immediate family: do not read this. it will likely make your day horrible and your night much worse. i do not want that for you.
my weekend started off rocky for no particular reason. it's a combination of hormones, a growing inability to sleep from heartburn and general discomfort, exhaustion from what seems like a thousand sources, and various other normally benign irritants.
e was a gem for the majority of the weekend. we bought a pool to help jp's leg finish healing (his cast came off on thursday, which i meant to post about on friday, but the day was just busy and then the weekend slump hit) and to alleviate some of my discomfort from the pregnancy. cheaper than driving into town and paying for a pool pass!
after the third trip out that day, to buy a pump to blow up the outer rim of the pool, e came back and discovered that the pump he bought was actually meant for a cigarette lighter, not an electrical outlet. foolishly, and not without realizing what the consequences may be, we pulled our car around back and settled for using the pump intermittently to begin the process.
and yes, it killed the car battery, just as we suspected it would. and thus began the insane downhill descent of my day on sunday.
i was tired and irritable and we were waiting for the neighbors to come home to get a jump. we puttered around the house, i was scornful, and i tried very hard to pull myself out of the funk that i realized i was unnecessarily falling into.
in the early afternoon one of e's friends here called to see if we'd like some company that night from him and his wife. they could also jump our car when they came. perfect! we get to cleaning and i manage to remember that we have enough ingredients to make a pretty good homemade pizza (Since we can't run to the store to get burgers or anything because the car is dead) and a side salad.
i realize the hamster cage smells awful. i've fallen behind on cleaning it.
long story short, another short-sighted action on my part ended with e and i desperately trying to save two hamsters who were dying too slowly from heat stroke. one went within 10 minutes. it took the other nearly an hour. i held the second one as she went. i cried off and on all evening. those hamsters were my valentine's day gift from my husband this year, a sort of promise ring of pets, if you will. they were meant to satisfy my need for something furry until we could get a dog. and i killed them. make no mistake, i was in fact directly responsible. by no means was it deliberate, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
the only saving grace in all of this was actually yet another failure (though this one unknown) on my part. our guest's wife is highly allergic to olive oil. when they found out we were making homemade pizza, which contains olive oil, dinner was cancelled.
i didn't have to put on a brave face.
death is not easy for anyone to handle. i know a good number of people who would cry watching someone else's hamster die, or who would cry even if the small creatures weren't a precious gift from a thoughtful spouse.
but the hamsters are not the first thing i've watched die before my eyes. the first thing i watched die before my eyes was my brother. this is not an exaggeration or a twisting of truths. i don't mean that i sat in a hospital room and watched an ill boy end a long fight with a terminal illness, or that i arrived on scene to find him being carried away by a stretcher (though that did happen) and learned of his death from a cold room and a strange nurse.
to my parents and sister, if you are still reading for any reason, please stop now.
no, i was in the room with him and my parents, hooked up to wires and tubes, watching his heart beat in perfect sync with the hands pumping it through his chest, blood streaming out of his ears and nose. unresponsive. from an accident at a water park caused by a slew of arrogant, selfish people and a chain of events spanning over 20 years of irresponsibility and thousands of years of acceptance of bullying. an accident caused by the ignorance of youth that makes teenagers believe they are invincible.
so when i watch these two precious gifts from my wonderful husband shake and quiver into death, my mind is not in the kitchen where the first one passed away or on my bed where the second went to sleep on my chest. my mind is in a hospital room watching them remove tubes from my brother, hearing them call time of death.
and i am now useless. i can't sleep but i have no desire to be awake. i try to force myself into some mundane tasks to no avail.
i am going to be incapacitated for a few days, at least. and i accept that. it's healthy to allow yourself a mental breakdown every now and then.
the reason for this blog is that i really have nowhere to turn. i'm certainly not going to call my parents and stir the horrible memories for them over a set of hamsters. e is now back at work full time and by the time he gets home i know i will be too tired to relay any of this on to him. i'm not comfortable putting this story or these emotions out on a specific person. i'm too much in a funk to call people, and honestly, to answer my phone if someone calls me. i know i'll pull out of this in a few days. a year and a half of therapy gives you wonderful tools.
so i'll spill it out here. it's a non-confrontational way to express some pain without forcing anybody to feel it alongside me. you can choose to read or not. i sincerely hope you chose not. but if you made it to this line, it means you chose to read. and it means you know me just a little bit better, how i tick, one of my weaknesses.
and if you've made it this far, i just want to say to you that i hope with all of my heart that you don't have a memory worse than watching your pets die at your own hand, even if they're tiny, frail hamsters who i have been reassured die if you look at them funny (though i know better than to believe that's entirely true). i hope that if you have to watch something like what happened to me on sunday, that it has no other horrible memory to trigger.
and if you have lived a nightmare, i wish for you that you never have to see something that triggers it as deeply and painfully as wembley and fizzgig did for me. i hope you are given exponentially larger amounts of joy than the sorrow you have already been given.
19 May, 2011
PROJECT!
I ACTUALLY DID A PROJECT AND DOCUMENTED IT!!! honestly, i've done many projects the last 2 weeks, but this one was just neat for me.
i've been bugging e about getting myself a sewing machine. we've scoured ebay, amazon, craigslist and garage sales to find something reasonably priced that still works. i'm not a designer or pro by any means, but i love making our old t-shirts into cool vintage shirts for jp and converting random scraps of material into other random things. we borrowed a friend's sewing machine for a few weeks to get some projects done and i was really itching for something of my own.
i don't need a super fancy/expensive machine. really, i could do just fine with a gadget that sews straight lines in a forward and reverse motion. but i don't want hello kitty stamps all over it.
after a long while of not-so-intense searching, we found this at the bx in florida. it seemed like it would be a GREAT fit for me and it was $40. that, a fake set of wedding rings for my shrinking (yes, shrinking) fingers, and a new wallet rounded out my mother's day gifts.
i broke out my little sewing machine tonight after reading through some of the reviews online and decided to give it a whirl.
first, let me say that i was impressed with all the loot that came with the machine:
i have a few extra pieces of material from 2 cotton twin sized sheets that were given to us (despite us not owning a twin sized bed !) and i decided to make a cover for my new buddy.
i was pretty pleasantly surprised. the stitches are even and straight.
i'm really happy with the results. REALLY happy.
this machine is by no means meant to be a workhorse-- i think i could easily get away with using it lightly every day, but we're not talking about the stuff of designers here. i also think really heavy or really thin fabrics might not fare too well based on the reviews and the way it runs. but for general, every day hemming, drape making, simple pattern making, this is a fabulous little contraption.
it is VERY small- the dimensions of the cover are 10"h x 12"w x 5"d. tiny tiny. but that's also great for me. it's not taking up a ton of room and it's getting the job done. perfect for my life!
i love that it came with tons of bobbins and thread options. i also love that it has a few different, but uncomplicated, stitch options. it has a work light (that flickers when you use the pedal, which i kind of found endearing) and you can set it to stitch automatically for those times when you have one really long line to sew and don't want to use the pedal.
there are 2 downsides to this machine that i have found in my one night of working on it.
1. it doesn't sew super fast. however, i know that will work in my favor as i use it more often than it will work against me. like i said, i make lots of mistakes, so i'll have a bit of an easier time controlling my stitching when i'm not accidentally causing the machine to sew at warp speed.
2. it's loud. no sewing machine is really quiet, but this one definitely isn't trying to claim to be :) i don't mind that so much, but another person might. and i wonder if putting some sort of padding under it would help absorb some of the sound of the machine v. its wooden table.
overall, i'm really excited about our future projects and all the great straight lines i'm going to be able to sew with this thing! i just need to give it a name :)
i've been bugging e about getting myself a sewing machine. we've scoured ebay, amazon, craigslist and garage sales to find something reasonably priced that still works. i'm not a designer or pro by any means, but i love making our old t-shirts into cool vintage shirts for jp and converting random scraps of material into other random things. we borrowed a friend's sewing machine for a few weeks to get some projects done and i was really itching for something of my own.
i don't need a super fancy/expensive machine. really, i could do just fine with a gadget that sews straight lines in a forward and reverse motion. but i don't want hello kitty stamps all over it.
after a long while of not-so-intense searching, we found this at the bx in florida. it seemed like it would be a GREAT fit for me and it was $40. that, a fake set of wedding rings for my shrinking (yes, shrinking) fingers, and a new wallet rounded out my mother's day gifts.
i broke out my little sewing machine tonight after reading through some of the reviews online and decided to give it a whirl.
first, let me say that i was impressed with all the loot that came with the machine:
all the colors! all the options! all the sharp objects! the only thing it didn't come with was pins, which is fine because i have a ton. it comes pre-threaded with a sample square that shows you all of the stitch options and i used a marker to label which knob controlled what so that i wouldn't accidentally turn the wrong one trying to make a quick adjustment (remember, i'm no expert seamstress. i make dumb mistakes a lot)
i have a few extra pieces of material from 2 cotton twin sized sheets that were given to us (despite us not owning a twin sized bed !) and i decided to make a cover for my new buddy.
i was pretty pleasantly surprised. the stitches are even and straight.
on a whim i used one of the programmed stitch patterns for the hem, and i think it makes the cover just a little more fun and cheery:
i'm really happy with the results. REALLY happy.
this machine is by no means meant to be a workhorse-- i think i could easily get away with using it lightly every day, but we're not talking about the stuff of designers here. i also think really heavy or really thin fabrics might not fare too well based on the reviews and the way it runs. but for general, every day hemming, drape making, simple pattern making, this is a fabulous little contraption.
it is VERY small- the dimensions of the cover are 10"h x 12"w x 5"d. tiny tiny. but that's also great for me. it's not taking up a ton of room and it's getting the job done. perfect for my life!
i love that it came with tons of bobbins and thread options. i also love that it has a few different, but uncomplicated, stitch options. it has a work light (that flickers when you use the pedal, which i kind of found endearing) and you can set it to stitch automatically for those times when you have one really long line to sew and don't want to use the pedal.
there are 2 downsides to this machine that i have found in my one night of working on it.
1. it doesn't sew super fast. however, i know that will work in my favor as i use it more often than it will work against me. like i said, i make lots of mistakes, so i'll have a bit of an easier time controlling my stitching when i'm not accidentally causing the machine to sew at warp speed.
2. it's loud. no sewing machine is really quiet, but this one definitely isn't trying to claim to be :) i don't mind that so much, but another person might. and i wonder if putting some sort of padding under it would help absorb some of the sound of the machine v. its wooden table.
overall, i'm really excited about our future projects and all the great straight lines i'm going to be able to sew with this thing! i just need to give it a name :)
18 May, 2011
Crayons
if you had come to my college dorm room 6 years ago, you would have:
1. been amazed and disgusted with how messy and disorganized i am
2. declared my roommate a saint (she in fact is)
3. somewhere in all of the clutter found a collection of crayons, markers, colored pencils, pastels and paints that a toddler would consider the biggest jackpot in all of the world. and all of those coloring tools would have been faced and ordered by color.
i'm not sure why, but i've always held an extreme reverence for crayons and colored pencils. despite my inability to keep any part of my life clean and orderly, my coloring supplies have always been kept neatly in their original boxes, sharpened and lined up like a rainbow. i hold these tools in the highest regard and if you were to go through my collection of art supplies, you would find the same tools that i've had for nearly a decade. and you would think some had never been opened or were purchased in the last year or two.
i'm not really sure what causes my odd affection for simple sticks of pigment. perhaps it's the nostalgia i feel for my childhood. perhaps it's a love for the arts and those things are the arts in some of its most basic forms. i really have no idea.
i rarely use them. they're too precious to waste in my mind.
but something even more precious to me exists now. something that can trump even my adoration for my crayons.
my son.
so i let him use my precious coloring utensils.
1. been amazed and disgusted with how messy and disorganized i am
2. declared my roommate a saint (she in fact is)
3. somewhere in all of the clutter found a collection of crayons, markers, colored pencils, pastels and paints that a toddler would consider the biggest jackpot in all of the world. and all of those coloring tools would have been faced and ordered by color.
i'm not sure why, but i've always held an extreme reverence for crayons and colored pencils. despite my inability to keep any part of my life clean and orderly, my coloring supplies have always been kept neatly in their original boxes, sharpened and lined up like a rainbow. i hold these tools in the highest regard and if you were to go through my collection of art supplies, you would find the same tools that i've had for nearly a decade. and you would think some had never been opened or were purchased in the last year or two.
i'm not really sure what causes my odd affection for simple sticks of pigment. perhaps it's the nostalgia i feel for my childhood. perhaps it's a love for the arts and those things are the arts in some of its most basic forms. i really have no idea.
i rarely use them. they're too precious to waste in my mind.
but something even more precious to me exists now. something that can trump even my adoration for my crayons.
my son.
so i let him use my precious coloring utensils.
he prefers pencils.
eventually, however, he discovered the joy of taking crayons out of the box, putting them back in, and shutting the lid. what a wondrous ability to discover! i can open something, take things out, put them back, and shut it! again and again!
but he cannot remember where the crayon came from. the simple solution here is to force the crayon into a new home.
suddenly my crayons are breaking into halves and thirds. the dog ate two. i can feel anxiety building.
my once perfect, magical wax wands now look like this:
i would be lying if i sat here and typed that my love for my son overshadowed all of the pain i feel at watching my antiques slowly meet their demise. i wince when i look at this box. it sounds silly. i know it does.
but after my quick grimace, i look at my little boy and i smile. and i hang his drawings on our refrigerator, file them away in the rubbermaid designated for the memories he's creating, and i marvel at how amazing he is. one short year ago, if i had given him a box of crayons, i would have gotten every single one back--in his diaper. now he can open the box, pick out a specific color, use it to draw on a piece of paper, put it back where it goes, and shut the lid. that's pretty impressive. i would say that kind of skill is worth every box of crayons we have to replace. it's worth every moment i spent caring for my crayons, pencils, markers, paints, and any other art supply he ends up using.
and i won't lose those things. not a single one. they will transform into scribbles, stick figures and shaky letters on scraps of paper over the years. they will become more than they could ever been in my flimsy hands.
a box of crayons.
who would ever have thought...
16 May, 2011
Frankly, My Dear...
i grew up in illinois. i was born there and if you ask me where i'm from, that's the state i'm giving you. but my family moved to texas at the end of my 7th grade year and i stayed there through college-- a total of 9 years. i also lived in louisiana for 9 months at the beginning of my marriage. i was a newspaper reporter there, so you could say i have some experience with the south. or at least part of it.
georgia was neither the top nor the bottom of the list of places i wanted e to get stationed at. because of the vast culture differences and my general against-the-tide personality, my feelings toward southern living aren't what you might call positive. or forgiving. the first few days here really tested me.
it's common practice down south to give directions by landmarks. which is great if you know the area's architecture and shrubbery like the back of your hand. but when your gps doesn't register half of the roads in your area (including your own home address), it's imperative that the woman answering phones at the water supplier in town knows the directions to the office so you can go in to get your water turned on because they require you to do that in person. unfortunately, not only did the woman on the phone not know any of the road names or directions to the office from where i was, neither did any of her co-workers. but they could all tell me that i had to turn at the light by the gas station and dollar store and then turn again right before the train tracks. ask me how helpful that is.
not helpful at all.
i began to wonder if my sanity could carry through a minimum of 3 years of this. and i ached a bit for this house that i adore and the realization that if i wasn't able to hold on to my sanity, i would have to sacrifice this home and move yet again. double sigh.
then the strangest thing happened. at the garbage dump.
that's right, the garbage dump. there are no garbage men for our road (possibly our county? i'm not really sure) so we have to haul our own trash. (we're working on buying a truck so that nobody has to put smelly garbage in their car)
i've been to the dump 3 times and was startled today as i realized that i've only seen 2 men there dropping off residential trash. the other dozen-ish dumpers? all women.
i have become very well acquainted with the southern belle-- she's a southerner, so by birthright she's supposedly tough as nails and she talks a lot of game, but she also spends over an hour every morning putting on her makeup, teasing her hair, picking out the right outfit, perfecting her manicure, coordinating her perfume with her deodorant, accessorizing and eating the breakfast that best fits her diet. you'd be surprised to find that in place of dirt and spurs on her cowboy boots, she has rhinestones and bedazzled crosses. she still likes her men in wranglers and knows all about muddin', but that mud better not ever ruin her favorite pair of $120 jeans. in essence, she's a priss with an accent. if you ever picked a fight with her, she would fight dirty, but she would lose.
she wouldn't be caught dead throwing away her trash at a garbage heap. that's what her husband is for.
and that's when it hit me: i'm not in that south anymore. the more i've reflected, the more i can see it: these women are the real southern belles. they keep up with their appearances-- their hair isn't growing wild, they're tan, they have a substantial amount of "church clothes". but that well kept hair is pulled back in a ponytail and those church clothes are reserved for just that. the tan is from the hours they spend every week mowing their yard, doing their own landscaping and gardening, playing outside with their kids... it's from the actual sun. they have several pairs of boots and sneakers that are caked in mud and cracked from age and use. they drive pick up trucks with child seats securely fastened in the back. they haul their own garbage, their own building materials, anything they can carry. if you picked a fight with one of them, your face would likely need reconstruction of some sort. these women aren't proud.
but they should be. i live next door to this woman. i've seen several of them out shopping at home improvement stores and general department stores. i've seen them at the dump. i've seen them on our street.
these women are southerners. they are in fact tough by birthright, but they are also legitimately strong. they are tackling obstacles without flinching. they are facing life without complaining. they are kind and unashamed. they have no reason to put on airs for you.
if i can just learn all these damn landmarks, i think this is the kind of place i could stay for a while. at the very least, these are the kind of people i could stay around.
georgia was neither the top nor the bottom of the list of places i wanted e to get stationed at. because of the vast culture differences and my general against-the-tide personality, my feelings toward southern living aren't what you might call positive. or forgiving. the first few days here really tested me.
it's common practice down south to give directions by landmarks. which is great if you know the area's architecture and shrubbery like the back of your hand. but when your gps doesn't register half of the roads in your area (including your own home address), it's imperative that the woman answering phones at the water supplier in town knows the directions to the office so you can go in to get your water turned on because they require you to do that in person. unfortunately, not only did the woman on the phone not know any of the road names or directions to the office from where i was, neither did any of her co-workers. but they could all tell me that i had to turn at the light by the gas station and dollar store and then turn again right before the train tracks. ask me how helpful that is.
not helpful at all.
i began to wonder if my sanity could carry through a minimum of 3 years of this. and i ached a bit for this house that i adore and the realization that if i wasn't able to hold on to my sanity, i would have to sacrifice this home and move yet again. double sigh.
then the strangest thing happened. at the garbage dump.
that's right, the garbage dump. there are no garbage men for our road (possibly our county? i'm not really sure) so we have to haul our own trash. (we're working on buying a truck so that nobody has to put smelly garbage in their car)
i've been to the dump 3 times and was startled today as i realized that i've only seen 2 men there dropping off residential trash. the other dozen-ish dumpers? all women.
i have become very well acquainted with the southern belle-- she's a southerner, so by birthright she's supposedly tough as nails and she talks a lot of game, but she also spends over an hour every morning putting on her makeup, teasing her hair, picking out the right outfit, perfecting her manicure, coordinating her perfume with her deodorant, accessorizing and eating the breakfast that best fits her diet. you'd be surprised to find that in place of dirt and spurs on her cowboy boots, she has rhinestones and bedazzled crosses. she still likes her men in wranglers and knows all about muddin', but that mud better not ever ruin her favorite pair of $120 jeans. in essence, she's a priss with an accent. if you ever picked a fight with her, she would fight dirty, but she would lose.
she wouldn't be caught dead throwing away her trash at a garbage heap. that's what her husband is for.
and that's when it hit me: i'm not in that south anymore. the more i've reflected, the more i can see it: these women are the real southern belles. they keep up with their appearances-- their hair isn't growing wild, they're tan, they have a substantial amount of "church clothes". but that well kept hair is pulled back in a ponytail and those church clothes are reserved for just that. the tan is from the hours they spend every week mowing their yard, doing their own landscaping and gardening, playing outside with their kids... it's from the actual sun. they have several pairs of boots and sneakers that are caked in mud and cracked from age and use. they drive pick up trucks with child seats securely fastened in the back. they haul their own garbage, their own building materials, anything they can carry. if you picked a fight with one of them, your face would likely need reconstruction of some sort. these women aren't proud.
but they should be. i live next door to this woman. i've seen several of them out shopping at home improvement stores and general department stores. i've seen them at the dump. i've seen them on our street.
these women are southerners. they are in fact tough by birthright, but they are also legitimately strong. they are tackling obstacles without flinching. they are facing life without complaining. they are kind and unashamed. they have no reason to put on airs for you.
if i can just learn all these damn landmarks, i think this is the kind of place i could stay for a while. at the very least, these are the kind of people i could stay around.
13 May, 2011
Busy Busy!
well, e graduated! he's officially a bomb technician! whoa! we're all at the new house now, settling in and doing some home renovations (a fancy way of saying we're caulking and painting lots of stuff haha!). e's brother is in town to help out and spend some time with his favorite JP and i've been a bit preoccupied and haven't had a whole lot of blogging time!
thus far we've begun smoothing out the landscaping around the yard, which includes:
-moving around some really large rocks (as big as your head!) to form a sort of logical outline around part of the yard
-planting my plants! tomatoes, peppers, herbs, fig tree, blackberry bushes, watermelon, okra, corn, and a WHOLE bunch of perennials! we even laid out seeds today! egads!
-pruning, shaping and feeding a peach tree, plum tree, and lots of bushes
-filling a raised bed with wandering jew dug up from all over the yard and some lilies too
-transplanting 3 rose bushes (which may not survive haha!) and a handful of other randomly placed plants to spots that make more sense
-uprooting ten (yes, 10) of the same type of bush that died. we're talking a big heap of sticks stuck in the ground. whatever this plant was, it did NOT like the climate here. and the previous tenants planted 10 of them. what?!
INSIDE the house we have:
-painted the lower half of the kitchen and dining room
-caulked and touched up the baseboards, chair rails, and door frames in the same 2 rooms
-painted the back door
-put up shelves in the laundry room (thanks dad!) and spackled the holes from where the racks once hung at some other time
-sanded, primed and painted the bathroom cabinets in both bathrooms (it was sooooooo needed)
-stripped wallpaper, sanded, and primed the walls of one bathroom (also desperately needed! the wallpaper was scary haha!)
-caulked and repainted the baseboards, doors, and door frames in both bathrooms
our plans for the next few days include:
-planting 5 silver maple trees throughout the yard in various places (they're still baby trees)
-use the last of the rocks to finish the "outline" in the backyard, to separate the wandering jew from the lilies in the raised bed, and to mark off another small bed in the front yard
-finish painting the second bathroom and adding a fun (removable!) border
-possibly building a container for composting out of materials left by the previous tenants
-hopefully finding a color i like for the walls in the master bath
do you see why i haven't been online!? so much to do before baby calvin comes in 3 months and there's so much i'd like to do before e starts a normal work routine and while his brother is here to help! his bro leaves monday, so we have a busy schedule until then! pics will be up once i have before and afters all ready to go!
thus far we've begun smoothing out the landscaping around the yard, which includes:
-moving around some really large rocks (as big as your head!) to form a sort of logical outline around part of the yard
-planting my plants! tomatoes, peppers, herbs, fig tree, blackberry bushes, watermelon, okra, corn, and a WHOLE bunch of perennials! we even laid out seeds today! egads!
-pruning, shaping and feeding a peach tree, plum tree, and lots of bushes
-filling a raised bed with wandering jew dug up from all over the yard and some lilies too
-transplanting 3 rose bushes (which may not survive haha!) and a handful of other randomly placed plants to spots that make more sense
-uprooting ten (yes, 10) of the same type of bush that died. we're talking a big heap of sticks stuck in the ground. whatever this plant was, it did NOT like the climate here. and the previous tenants planted 10 of them. what?!
INSIDE the house we have:
-painted the lower half of the kitchen and dining room
-caulked and touched up the baseboards, chair rails, and door frames in the same 2 rooms
-painted the back door
-put up shelves in the laundry room (thanks dad!) and spackled the holes from where the racks once hung at some other time
-sanded, primed and painted the bathroom cabinets in both bathrooms (it was sooooooo needed)
-stripped wallpaper, sanded, and primed the walls of one bathroom (also desperately needed! the wallpaper was scary haha!)
-caulked and repainted the baseboards, doors, and door frames in both bathrooms
our plans for the next few days include:
-planting 5 silver maple trees throughout the yard in various places (they're still baby trees)
-use the last of the rocks to finish the "outline" in the backyard, to separate the wandering jew from the lilies in the raised bed, and to mark off another small bed in the front yard
-finish painting the second bathroom and adding a fun (removable!) border
-possibly building a container for composting out of materials left by the previous tenants
-hopefully finding a color i like for the walls in the master bath
do you see why i haven't been online!? so much to do before baby calvin comes in 3 months and there's so much i'd like to do before e starts a normal work routine and while his brother is here to help! his bro leaves monday, so we have a busy schedule until then! pics will be up once i have before and afters all ready to go!
04 May, 2011
Move Number Seven
from may may 2008 to present, i have moved from texas to illinois, illinois to maryland, maryland to louisiana, louisiana to colorado, colorado to illinois, illinois to florida and florida to alabama.
we got here on april 29th. i will attempt to keep this blog post relatively short, considering that we moved into our first ever single family home on a giant, beautiful lot, just far enough from the city and just close enough at the same time!
day 1: jp and mommy drove a 26 foot moving truck all by ourselves to our brand new home in alabama. we made it in GREAT time, got the truck to the weigh station, and a friend helped unload the kitchen and immediate need items. i unpacked literally the entire kitchen before going to bed. i also found a scorpion in our house before going to bed. it was no bigger than one of my knuckles, but i could hear him whispering "i'm coming for yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu".
day 2: friends come and unload our entire truck in 3 hours flat. our house looks like it was vomited into. someone asked how we could have so much stuff. unpacking begins and one of the same friends who helped unload the truck came back with his wife to bring us homemade lasagna. it was delicious. commence food coma. friends helped us put together some major furniture and unpack a lot of the living room. not much else was accomplished haha!
day 3: e leaves to go back to florida to finish school :( my parents come into town. jp and mommy go to the giant petsmart adoption weekend to scope out dogs. mommy brings a dog home. let the games begin.
day 4: dog is more active today, but i don't know much about that because jp and i go to the hospital on post to register and get all signed in to the area. now, if you'll recall, jp has a cast on. we have notes in his medical records from florida stating that he needs to get the cast off to check on some blisters that were on his feet--they wanted to make sure the blisters healed and didn't get infected under the cast. it took nearly 3 hours to get registered, plead for a walk in appointment for a referral to orthopedics, go get x-rays, then to the ortho, and then to the room to get the cast off. the cast came off. bad news: he has a pressure blister literally just over the size of a quarter on his heel. his cast had been applied incorrectly for a little boy who would eventually walk on it. it looked horrifying. they cleaned it up, applied antibiotic bandages, cleaned up his other blisters and recasted him with a walking cast. we were gone over 4 hours. he screamed off and on the whole time. i was exhausted. henson, the dog, is in love with me and sleeps next to me on the floor. he also loves jp and jp loves to feed him. i give doggie a rawhide bone. he attacks. he throws it up. awesome.
day 5: parents have done an insane amount of work. dog woke me up at 7:30. that's 6:30 central time. i am sleepy. 5 hours of errand running and utility set up today. back home. dog has separation anxiety. ok, we can deal with that. i call the listed vet to get the info on the dogs heartworm status and find out that dog is actually only 7 months old, not nearly a year like they told us. this explains a lot. dog is getting more and more excitable and forgetting that he is in fact nearly 60 pounds. he wants to be a lap dog. he keeps knocking jp over. this results in a black eye, fat lip, scraped nose and forehead. on my child. many, many, many tears are shed and i come to the decision that e and i are definitely capable of keeping a dog like this and working with him-- he is a great dog who just needs to not be a puppy-- but our son cannot suffer from a dog's puppy-dom. he must go back.
day 6: mom and i take dog back to humane society. i feel like a failure and i feel terrible for the dog. but my son's face looks horrible and my guilt begins to switch gears and i remember who is most important here. we get home and my jp (and my dad!) helps me do an insane amount of gardening. sooooo cathartic. the house is looking like a home finally and my parents have done so much work that it really feels like a home. all we need is an e.
which brings us to day 7, tomorrow. we will be heading back down to see daddy graduate from school and to celebrate with him :) we're VERY excited!!! and then we'll all come back on sunday and be happy campers :)
so that's the recap. crazy, huh!?
we got here on april 29th. i will attempt to keep this blog post relatively short, considering that we moved into our first ever single family home on a giant, beautiful lot, just far enough from the city and just close enough at the same time!
day 1: jp and mommy drove a 26 foot moving truck all by ourselves to our brand new home in alabama. we made it in GREAT time, got the truck to the weigh station, and a friend helped unload the kitchen and immediate need items. i unpacked literally the entire kitchen before going to bed. i also found a scorpion in our house before going to bed. it was no bigger than one of my knuckles, but i could hear him whispering "i'm coming for yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu".
day 2: friends come and unload our entire truck in 3 hours flat. our house looks like it was vomited into. someone asked how we could have so much stuff. unpacking begins and one of the same friends who helped unload the truck came back with his wife to bring us homemade lasagna. it was delicious. commence food coma. friends helped us put together some major furniture and unpack a lot of the living room. not much else was accomplished haha!
day 3: e leaves to go back to florida to finish school :( my parents come into town. jp and mommy go to the giant petsmart adoption weekend to scope out dogs. mommy brings a dog home. let the games begin.
day 4: dog is more active today, but i don't know much about that because jp and i go to the hospital on post to register and get all signed in to the area. now, if you'll recall, jp has a cast on. we have notes in his medical records from florida stating that he needs to get the cast off to check on some blisters that were on his feet--they wanted to make sure the blisters healed and didn't get infected under the cast. it took nearly 3 hours to get registered, plead for a walk in appointment for a referral to orthopedics, go get x-rays, then to the ortho, and then to the room to get the cast off. the cast came off. bad news: he has a pressure blister literally just over the size of a quarter on his heel. his cast had been applied incorrectly for a little boy who would eventually walk on it. it looked horrifying. they cleaned it up, applied antibiotic bandages, cleaned up his other blisters and recasted him with a walking cast. we were gone over 4 hours. he screamed off and on the whole time. i was exhausted. henson, the dog, is in love with me and sleeps next to me on the floor. he also loves jp and jp loves to feed him. i give doggie a rawhide bone. he attacks. he throws it up. awesome.
day 5: parents have done an insane amount of work. dog woke me up at 7:30. that's 6:30 central time. i am sleepy. 5 hours of errand running and utility set up today. back home. dog has separation anxiety. ok, we can deal with that. i call the listed vet to get the info on the dogs heartworm status and find out that dog is actually only 7 months old, not nearly a year like they told us. this explains a lot. dog is getting more and more excitable and forgetting that he is in fact nearly 60 pounds. he wants to be a lap dog. he keeps knocking jp over. this results in a black eye, fat lip, scraped nose and forehead. on my child. many, many, many tears are shed and i come to the decision that e and i are definitely capable of keeping a dog like this and working with him-- he is a great dog who just needs to not be a puppy-- but our son cannot suffer from a dog's puppy-dom. he must go back.
day 6: mom and i take dog back to humane society. i feel like a failure and i feel terrible for the dog. but my son's face looks horrible and my guilt begins to switch gears and i remember who is most important here. we get home and my jp (and my dad!) helps me do an insane amount of gardening. sooooo cathartic. the house is looking like a home finally and my parents have done so much work that it really feels like a home. all we need is an e.
which brings us to day 7, tomorrow. we will be heading back down to see daddy graduate from school and to celebrate with him :) we're VERY excited!!! and then we'll all come back on sunday and be happy campers :)
so that's the recap. crazy, huh!?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
