2.

thursday morning started off normally. playing, eating, coffee, etc. my mom came to watch the boys while i was at an appointment. an hour before i had to leave, i began vomiting suddenly and for no reason. the churning went on for a good 2 or so hours and then i was fine.

odd.

i must have eaten something strange.

friday morning i woke up and before i even got out of bed i thought "we're canceling speech therapy this morning". we rarely miss sessions and i was exhausted and felt like playing hooky. and let's be honest here, i was hoping to hear from e.

but i rallied and gave myself the "you're a mom, you have to be responsible now, his well being is more important than yours" speech and got out of bed to change him and get his food.

i smelled the poop before i even got to the door.

now, that's not uncommon, for me to smell poop before i open the door. we eat a decent amount of veggies. it leaves a potent smell.

i was not prepared for the sight i would encounter upon opening the door.

let's just say that the cream colored carpet and his foam alphabet mat had developed quite the display of polka dots. but not the cute pink kind.

it was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. my whole body just froze and my mind began to panic. "HOW ARE WE GOING TO CLEAN THIS UP?!?! THERE IS NO WE, IT'S ON YOU!!!! HOW DO YOU GET POOP OUT OF CARPET!??!! IS IT SIMILAR TO JELLY!?!?! I KNOW HOW TO GET JELLY OUT!!!! DO I EVEN HAVE SHAVING CREAM!?! WE'LL NEVER GET OUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK!!!!"

and then the best part. i remembered we had guests coming to stay the night. in about 4 hours.

i haven't showered. i didn't clean up the house last night. i have to change the sheets and bedding in the guest room. the dishes aren't done. the house is in utter disarray.

the 2 year old is covered in poop.

"HOLY CRAP LETS START WITH THE 2 YEAR OLD!!!! GENIUS! IF THE POOP PRODUCER NO LONGER HAS POOP THEN WE CAN START CLEANING!"

thank goodness jp loves baths. i un-diapered him, threw him in, and set to work on his room.

too much. too much poop. too much "what the hell do i do!?"

google.

back to cleaning.

i decided the best approach for the ABC mat was to just pick it up and put it in the bath with jp and then turn on the shower. he was delighted.

next, on to the carpet. thank heavens he stayed out of his bed, so i didn't have to do a full sheet-bedding-mattress cleaning on top of everything else.

there were casualties. his cute lil' toy story couch is sitting sadly next to our garbage can, a depressing parallel to the the third installment of the movies.

i feel like i should apologize to woody and buzz.

a few books weren't worth trying to clean.

i get shaving cream and vinegar worked into the carpet and go back to check on jp- he has created, literally, a pond next to the bathtub.

i go into the hallway and yell an obscenity at the top of my lungs.

back to the linen closet for more towels to soak up said pond.

back to cleaning.

my mom graciously came to help.

it took nearly 2 hours to deal with the aftermath. an hour later my little boy with an upset tummy took an early nap.

i put calvin in his exersaucer and sat down on the couch for a moment.

it was quite. the house was ready.

relief.

i smile at calvin, he grunts, i pick him up and lay him down near the diaper station.

i remove his diaper.

poop. all the way up the back. spilling out of the diaper.

at least this time it was contained in a onesie. and i still had 2 more loads of laundry to do to be back on top of the earlier poop situation.

when both of your children have managed to unintentionally get poop outside of their diapers before lunch time, you have not only lost the battle.... but the war.