last night i had a dream that i took 8 pregnancy tests. they all came out positive and all had a number on them designating how much HCG was in my body. the first test said .7, the last 4.0. it appeared on the pee stick in cursive.

first of all, once i figure out what i ate before bed last night, it's getting tossed.

after that, me and my dream self are gonna have a little chat about her spending. the  chances of getting a false positive once are slim. but to get 2 in the same cycle? pretty much impossible. she could have easily stopped with two. does she realize who's paying for all those pee sticks!?!

it's not her, because every time she waits tables, she gets sat with 5 sets of 8 tops all at once and gets into the weeds so bad that nobody is tipping her. i know it for a fact. usually she just ends up breaking down in the dish pit. i have never seen her work a job successfully.

oh, and her medical bills are piling high from all of her teeth crumbling or falling out. i swear her molars grow back like hydras, 3 in the place of the last one. maybe that's how. maybe she's doing a circus act when i'm awake, pulling her own teeth out and letting people watch the newbs grow in. i bet she charges $5 a head.

i wouldn't pay to see that, but the people in my dreams are a bit off, so i wouldn't put it past them.

if you happen to see dream-leanne, can you please let her know that all this pregnancy test nonsense is out of control, and that she owes me rent?