babies are like sirens. they coo and murmur and babble and screech and people come flocking to their death. and by death i mean transformation into a giant lump of mush talking 58 decibels too loud and at a frequency that even dogs are appalled by.
it's adorable.
as a child, i never wanted children. i think that's understandable. third grade isn't exactly prime hunting grounds for eligible bachelors. most of the guys in my class had rattails. unacceptable.
it wasn't until college that i finally embraced all my lady parts (figuratively people!) and all that other mystical-mother-earth-hippie garbage about how beautiful it is to bear fruit from my loins.
my husband and i picked out names for 4 children. before we even started dating. our entire relationship has been sort of cart before the horse-ish. i'll tell you the names at the end of this post. all good things come to those who wait. or who scroll down.
when we found out we were pregnant (SURPRISE!!!!), every feeling i had about having children sort of grew baby feelings who all started fighting each other and tripping and bullying all of my other feelings and thoughts about everything. that's my explanation of how i went crazy during pregnancy. it was rough.
my husband is a saint.
the end of my pregnancy was a bit rough. i say a bit because i know a woman who's epidural didn't take before her c-section and she felt them cut her open. i think that trumps any horror story i might have thought that i had, so i say a bit rough. i had pre-eclampsia and was in early labor off and on for 2 weeks. that means a few hours of contractions that did a little bit of work at any given point of any given day. i was just under 2cm dilated when they decided to induce on december 15th because my blood pressure was taking leaping bounds in an upward fashion, which is apparently bad.
Alan Jeffrey Patrick Bulger was born on december 17th at 6:37 am after 3.5 hours of pushing. he was in the nicu for a half a day because he thought breathing was for chumps. i took that opportunity to sleep. so did my husband. we figured that chances were we'd be seeing a lot of him pretty soon, and we had been told that babies don't sleep much.
that's false, by the way. newborns sleep all the time. they wake up, eat, poop, scream at you while you change them, and then pass out. parents just spend so much time in those first few weeks staring at their kid that they never go to sleep. bad move. take a few pictures and pass out. you can thank me for that tidbit later.
anywho, he developed an amazingly bad case of jaundice. it lasted 9 weeks. nurses were stunned. i was sick of going to the doctor and JP was developing a hatred for his own feet because of all the heel pricks.
pregnancy, labor, and the first 2 months of his life were enough to convince me that having babies wasn't for me. i loved this one so much, but i didn't know about having 4 of them. and going through pregnancy with a toddler? no thank you.
but here's the problem:
my kid is a saint, just like daddy. he never cries. he's always smiling, even when he wakes up. he is sweet, interactive, friendly, loves dogs, and eats like a champ. his poop doesn't even smell all that bad.
WHO WOULDN'T WANT A MILLION OF THOSE!?!?!?!?!!!?!? HE'S LIKE A TINY ADORABLE PET WITH A REAL PERSONALITY!!!!!
so now i want 13 children.
just kidding. i've actually considered getting my tubes tied (or cut up and mutilated. if i'm gonna do this, i'm not taking any chances) because we already have a perfect baby. why risk having one who isn't as cute or as good?
my parents immediately put a nix on that idea and i'm not sure my husband was entirely on board either. i think he still wants a full wrestling squad. i'm not sure how many kids that is.
for the majority of my life, i never wanted kids. then all of a sudden i did. then i had one and i figured one was enough. but he worked that baby magic (my fault for breastfeeding) and now i'm back to wanting a bamajillion tykes.
so, here's to you jp. you're the best baby i've ever met. you're the greatest blessing in our lives to date and you have brought joy to countless people just by being a magical baby. i'm so proud to call you my son.
and here's to you Calvin Camden (named after cal ripken and camden yards ((my husband likes baseball, don't judge))), Payton Jordan (after walter and michael ((i'm allowed to have my pride too!!!!!!))), and Amelia Jane (she's only named after relatives. she'll have a complex about that later. "why can't you say i was named after amelia earhart??" "because she's a solid argument against any form of female navigation.")
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