Funny or Frightening?

i feel like that should be the title of the game show that is my life.

my son pinched his fingers in a door for the first time today. naturally, hysteria followed. from me.

he sat on my lap, screaming baby profanities at his red fingers, and i rocked him, debating whether or not to give in to the urge to comfort him with baby cheesy poofs. food is love! i decided rocking would suffice. there's plenty of time to teach him horrible emotional/eating habits later in his life.

when you picture an 8 month old, even a toddler, who has just pinched his fingers in a door, the image generally looks something like this: red face, screaming yet barely breathing, eyes shut (or wide open), arms in a shaking state of panic, tears streaming. my son had all of those, save the last.

i can count on one hand the number of times i have seen tears come out of his eyes. i can only speculate that there was one instance where more than one tear fell, but i can't guarantee the wet on his blanket was tears and not snot or drool. he definitely produces an adequate amount of drool. if there were drool banks, he could single handedly supply them.

this is not to say that he doesn't get upset. i am not implying that my child never "cries" or screams. he does, though admittedly not often. but i didn't see that first real tear until he was nearly 5 months old.

i keep forgetting to ask his pediatrician when i see him. somehow between vaccinations, eating habits, teething, developmental checks, ear infections, fungal infections, alien infections, and any other infections, terrestrial or extra, "he doesn't make tears" gets thrown to the back burner.

i do intend to ask at his 9 month appointment. i have it written down on a piece of paper that i will probably lose.

until then, i've come up with a theory.

jp is actually chuck norris's son.

simply put, sometime in march-april of 2009, i must have read or heard a chuck norris fact which resulted in pregnancy.

and now my son's tears have the ability to cure cancer, so he must not waste them.

logical, yes? i think so.

it's either that or he has some tear production issue. that's not nearly as funny or awesome, so i'm going to go with the chuck norris theory.

and if you argue with me, jp will roundhouse kick you in the face. it's up to you to determine if it's worth the risk.